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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Nowadays, the figure for the
population
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 of young
people
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 has exceeded that of elderly
people
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. I believe the advantages corresponding to
this
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 issue are more considerable than the minor disadvantages. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of a large young
population
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 may be the lack of experience, young adults may lack the experience and wisdom that older
people
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 bring to the workforce and society, potentially leading to mistakes and inefficiencies. Another perceived negative is long-term economic implications, a demographic imbalance with a large young adult
population
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 and relatively fewer older individuals can pose some economic complexities, including, challenges related to the pension system, retirement age policies, and
overall
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 economic stability.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of the higher proportion of young
people
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 is innovation and creativity. Young adults are often more innovative and open to change, which can lead to advancements in technology, science and other fields. A
further
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 benefit is that they can bring social vitality to a society, they can bring energy and dynamism which contributes to a vibrant cultural scene and a sense of progress.
Therefore
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, ascending young
population
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 growth leads to numerous benefits for a country and plays a vital role in a society’s development and governments should emphasise greatly to
this
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 matter. On balance, it is true that a greater number of young adults in a country would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view, its positive effects in terms of an innovative and clever community and
also
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 a spiritual society override the disadvantages.
Submitted by amirahmadi9301 on

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task achievement
Consider diversifying your examples to strengthen your argument. Including more real-world examples or case studies can make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid listing too many points in a single paragraph. Instead, break them into separate paragraphs to maintain clarity and depth.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the stance you will take in your essay, which sets a clear expectation for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points you raised are relevant to the topic and show a clear understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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