Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent on each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Many individuals think that nowadays are more rely on
another guys
. Other Replace the adjective
another guy
other guys
people
consider about
Change preposition
that
human
have Fix the agreement mistake
humans
turn
into Wrong verb form
turned
autonomous
trend. Add an article
an autonomous
This
essay would
delve into discussing the two perspectives Wrong verb form
will
as well as
stating my support for the the
latter one that Remove the redundancy
apply
people
believe today more young tend to the independent trend.
On the one hand, I would side with those who believe that being seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
to
each other is better Change preposition
from
to
self-development in Change preposition
for
career
and your field. We should try by ourselves to gain Correct pronoun usage
your career
the
Correct article usage
apply
regconition
from the publicCorrect your spelling
recognition
,
Correct word choice
and, futhermore
futhermore
, innovate Correct your spelling
furthermore
the
thinking capacity. As we try to break our limits, Change the word
our
your
skills and knowledge will become Correct pronoun usage
our
widely
and deeper and Replace the word
wider
that is
the basis to
the result which we want to achieve. Change preposition
for
For instance
, like
when Change preposition
apply
the
student in college Correct article usage
apply
using
their intellect for their aim study and Wrong verb form
use
trying
to Wrong verb form
try
overlooked
Wrong verb form
overlook
to
another view to get more opportunities for scholarships. As Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
a
result
they will have more chances for future jobs. In Add a comma
result,
conclude
, Replace the word
conclusion
the
personal hard work not only Correct article usage
apply
help
us become more confident but Change the verb form
helps
also
easily lead
the way to success.
The main reason Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
people
are less independent today is this
quality is no longer considered unequivocally positive. The traditional importance placed on keeping one’s composure, enduring difficult situations, and not requiring the help of others has been replaced in recent decades with a more progressive outlook that elevates vulnerability and dependence on others. It is now more common, for men especially, to be open to revealing their own weaknesses and asking for help. This
social shift in turn has led to an increased reliance on the community, both online and in person, as well as
a modern acceptance of wellness, therapy, and the importance of a compassionate support network for long-term mental health.
In conclusion, though many people
have the potential to lead a more independent lifestyle thanks to advances in internet technology, most are now more dependent than ever before because of seismic shifts in society. This
change has its positives and negatives but its reality is undeniable.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view on the discussed topic, making sure to cover both sides of the argument which is key in fully addressing the task. However, your examples, while relevant, could be further detailed to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
To improve, consider directly linking back to how each point supports your overall stance more explicitly, which will make your arguments clearer and more powerful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay's structure is logical, and the presence of an introduction and conclusion strengthens its coherence. To further enhance cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better logical flow, try to ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs by using phrases that clearly indicate if you are adding to a point, contrasting, or summarizing.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear statement of your own opinion, fulfilling the task requirement of discussing both views and giving your own perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
You manage to maintain a good structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion, which helps in making your essay coherent and easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite