The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is true that there is an increase in the population of elderly

people

Use synonyms

While

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the assertion that issues for countries would be caused has many advocates, others hold the view that they can give us value.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both views and I

suppose

Wrong verb form

am supposed

show examples

to stand for the latter

due to

Linking Words

those benefits regardless of the logic behind the former

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

People

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who support the fact that keeping old citizens in countries can cause numerous troubles argue that

this

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kind of action may make the youngsters’ burden more

significantly

Change the word

significant

show examples

. Because of the unstable health that old

people

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have to struggle with,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

may reduce

the

Change the word

their

show examples

efficiency in working and daily routine,

hence

Linking Words

the necessity of young

people

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’s role in them.

For example

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, youngsters in the USA have a tendency to put their parents and grandparents into a health care centre and leave them alone for the rest of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

due to

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the inability to do some work and daily stuff. For the remaining view, advocates asserting that elderly

people

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should be cared for

due to

Linking Words

their valuation

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can provide for suppose to say that those

people

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could be a significantly enormous source of experience and historical information. It is true that if they live old enough to master a particular aspect and to gain enough knowledge about events that happened in the past, that means youngsters can collect it to make the data of humanity more prosperous and wealthy and

thus

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, it is really crucial for us to gain more knowledge about the improvement of work efficiency and risk-reducing methods.

For example

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, all the professors in universities that are around 60-80 are the majority, which means that youngsters will not improve themselves if there is a lack of intelligent elderly citizens.

To sum up

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, the number of old

people

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is increasing day by day. Some

people

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say that elderly citizens somehow are supposed to be an issue for countries. Meanwhile, the assertion that

people

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who are over 60 still have some valuable information is supported by numerous proponents. Both views have their rationale and I am a supporter of the latter because of its merits

although

Linking Words

I acknowledge the logic behind the former.

alicema0503

May 8, 2024

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Examples

Expand your examples further to show a more direct impact on society or personal experience. This provides depth and clarity to your argument.

Cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to enhance clarity and fluency of your essay.

Grammar and Accuracy

Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos for polished presentation.

Task Response

You have clearly discussed both views and provided a reasoned personal stance, showing good understanding of the essay topic.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, framing your essay effectively.

Supported Main Points

You made a good attempt to support your main points with examples, demonstrating your ability to link theory with practical instances.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

366 words

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