The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
It is true that there is an increase in the population of elderly
people
. While
the assertion that issues for countries would be caused has many advocates, others hold the view that they can give us value. This
essay will discuss both views and I suppose
to stand for the latter Wrong verb form
am supposed
due to
those benefits regardless of the logic behind the former..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
People
who support the fact that keeping old citizens in countries can cause numerous troubles argue that this
kind of action may make the youngsters’ burden more significantly
. Because of the unstable health that old Change the word
significant
people
have to struggle with, it
may reduce Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
efficiency in working and daily routine, Change the word
their
hence
the necessity of young people
’s role in them. For example
, youngsters in the USA have a tendency to put their parents and grandparents into a health care centre and leave them alone for the rest of their life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
the inability to do some work and daily stuff.
For the remaining view, advocates asserting that elderly people
should be cared for due to
their valuation they
can provide for suppose to say that those Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
could be a significantly enormous source of experience and historical information. It is true that if they live old enough to master a particular aspect and to gain enough knowledge about events that happened in the past, that means youngsters can collect it to make the data of humanity more prosperous and wealthy and thus
, it is really crucial for us to gain more knowledge about the improvement of work efficiency and risk-reducing methods. For example
, all the professors in universities that are around 60-80 are the majority, which means that youngsters will not improve themselves if there is a lack of intelligent elderly citizens.
To sum up
, the number of old people
is increasing day by day. Some people
say that elderly citizens somehow are supposed to be an issue for countries. Meanwhile, the assertion that people
who are over 60 still have some valuable information is supported by numerous proponents. Both views have their rationale and I am a supporter of the latter because of its merits although
I acknowledge the logic behind the former.Submitted by alicema0503 on
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Examples
Expand your examples further to show a more direct impact on society or personal experience. This provides depth and clarity to your argument.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing more effectively to enhance clarity and fluency of your essay.
Grammar and Accuracy
Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and typos for polished presentation.
Task Response
You have clearly discussed both views and provided a reasoned personal stance, showing good understanding of the essay topic.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, framing your essay effectively.
Supported Main Points
You made a good attempt to support your main points with examples, demonstrating your ability to link theory with practical instances.