IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. Is this a positive or negative development? Vy

In many countries, fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as coal, oil, and natural gas continue to dominate as the primary
energy
Use synonyms
 source.
However
Linking Words
, there is a growing movement in some nations to encourage the use of
alternative
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 like solar, wind, and hydro power. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain why.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
alternative
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 are much more sustainable and environmentally friendly than fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
. Fossil fuel combustion releases significant amounts of carbon dioxide and other harmful pollutants into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming and climate change.
In contrast
Linking Words
, renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 produce little to no emissions, helping to reduce the impact of human activities on the environment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, shifting to
alternative
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
 improves
energy
Use synonyms
 security. Fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
 are finite and largely concentrated in a few regions of the world, which makes many countries dependent on imports and vulnerable to political and economic instability. By investing in local renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 infrastructure, countries can reduce their reliance on foreign
energy
Use synonyms
 supplies and create a more stable and self-sufficient
energy
Use synonyms
 system.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the development of the renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 sector creates numerous job opportunities. From manufacturing solar panels to maintaining wind turbines,
alternative
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
 industries can provide employment for a wide range of skill levels, contributing positively to the economy. Opponents may argue that renewable
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 are expensive and unreliable.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may have been true in the past, technological advances and increased investment have significantly lowered the cost of renewables, and storage technologies are improving to ensure a stable
energy
Use synonyms
 supply even when the sun isn’t shining or the wind isn’t blowing. In conclusion, the encouragement of
alternative
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
 use is undoubtedly a positive development. It addresses critical environmental issues, promotes national
energy
Use synonyms
 independence, and offers economic benefits through job creation. The long-term advantages far outweigh the short-term challenges associated with the transition from fossil
fuels
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use more simple examples to support your points. This can help readers understand better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas clearly with linking words, like 'also', 'however', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear introduction and conclusion which makes the main idea easy to follow.
task achievement
You provided good reasons for why alternative energy is better, showing you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: