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Band 6.5

Some people desire to travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. Does the advantages outwiegh to disadvantages?

#people #desire #travel #work #period #time #university #outwiegh
In today's era, some students who graduate from school want to travel or
work
 for a period of time rather than going immediately to
university
.
This
 action has some pros that will outweigh the cons.
This
 essay intends to express the advantages of travel or
work
 before starting
university
.
To begin
 with, it is better to have some
work
experience
 before starting a faculty. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it helps the person to learn better that subject and makes the person familiar with lessons.
Hence
, the student will learn the subject only with a one-time review or one-time lecturing by the instructor.
For instance
, some
people
 before starting the faculty of Pharmacy
work
 in a small clinic at least they learn how to inject or how to bandage a wound.
In addition
, generally travelling is a good
experience
 in all aspects of our life.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
 contributes to our learning as well because
while
 visiting foreign countries we will
experience
 new adventures
additionally
 on some trips we will face
delimma
Correct your spelling
dilemma
. The
people
 who have not travelled in their entire life
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not know about hardship and the
people
 who have not seen hard situations will not try to become stronger and will not pay enough attention to their education. To exemplify
this
 statement, today most rich and successful
people
 have passed a hard situation and travelling
also
 has a lot of difficulties. Summing up, many
people
 are eager to
work
 or travel for a
while
 before starting
university
.
According to
 the mentioned points in
this
 essay and my personal and logical perceptions, it is better to have some trips or
work
experience
 before starting
university
.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider diversifying the sentence structures to add complexity and flow to your essay. This can make your arguments more persuasive and your writing more engaging.
Task Achievement
Including a wider range of examples and evidence could strengthen your arguments further. Try incorporating specific studies or statistics to support your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have presented a clear thesis statement and structured your essay effectively, with a logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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