Some people desire to travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. Does the advantages outwiegh to disadvantages?

#people #desire #travel #work #period #time #university #outwiegh

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In today's era, some students who graduate from school want to travel or

work

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for a period of time rather than going immediately to

university

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This

Linking Words

action has some pros that will outweigh the cons.

This

Linking Words

essay intends to express the advantages of travel or

work

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before starting

university

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To begin

Linking Words

with, it is better to have some

work

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experience

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before starting a faculty. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it helps the person to learn better that subject and makes the person familiar with lessons.

Hence

Linking Words

, the student will learn the subject only with a one-time review or one-time lecturing by the instructor.

For instance

Linking Words

, some

people

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before starting the faculty of Pharmacy

work

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in a small clinic at least they learn how to inject or how to bandage a wound.

In addition

Linking Words

, generally travelling is a good

experience

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in all aspects of our life.

Traveling

Change the spelling

Travelling

show examples

contributes to our learning as well because

while

Linking Words

visiting foreign countries we will

experience

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new adventures

additionally

Linking Words

on some trips we will face

delimma

Correct your spelling

dilemma

. The

people

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who have not travelled in their entire life

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

do not know about hardship and the

people

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who have not seen hard situations will not try to become stronger and will not pay enough attention to their education. To exemplify

this

Linking Words

statement, today most rich and successful

people

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have passed a hard situation and travelling

also

Linking Words

has a lot of difficulties. Summing up, many

people

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are eager to

work

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or travel for a

while

Linking Words

before starting

university

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According to

Linking Words

the mentioned points in

this

Linking Words

essay and my personal and logical perceptions, it is better to have some trips or

work

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experience

Use synonyms

before starting

university

Use synonyms

Submitted by amotoh10 on Wed May 08 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Consider diversifying the sentence structures to add complexity and flow to your essay. This can make your arguments more persuasive and your writing more engaging.

Task Achievement

Including a wider range of examples and evidence could strengthen your arguments further. Try incorporating specific studies or statistics to support your points.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have presented a clear thesis statement and structured your essay effectively, with a logical flow of ideas.

Task Achievement

You provided relevant examples to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Some people desire to travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to the university. Does the advantages outwiegh to disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disargee?

Some people think that learning news from newspapers is the best way. Others, however, say that there are more effective ways of learning news from other media. Discuss both points of view and give your opinions

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statemen