Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
There is a division of opinions regarding the impact of modern
technology
on human connectivity, with some asserting/believing that it has fostered/encouraged/promoted greater unity while
others argue that it has resulted in increased
division. I believe that Add an article
the increased
technology
has created more positive impacts rather than negatives.
Firstly
, advance
Replace the word
advanced
technology
has undeniably transformed the way we connected
and communicate with one another. Social media preforms, video conferencing and instant messaging have revolutionised how we interact. Wrong verb form
connect
Additionally
, it has broken the geographical barrier, enabling individuals to connect with friends and families regardless of distance. For example
, during COVID, people
were forbidden to visit different households and maintain social distancing to prevent the spread of disease, a lot of people
relied on the internet to stay connected with friends, families and community
.
Correct article usage
the community
On the other hand
, others are concerned that modern technology
has led to social fragmentation and isolation. The over-reliance on digital communication has eroded/weaken
/Wrong verb form
weakened
face to face
interaction, diminishing the depth and quality of relationships. Add a hyphen
face-to-face
For instance
, many young people
these days are very addicted to their phone
, in Fix the agreement mistake
phones
stand
of physically “hanging out” with friends, they rather stay behind the phone, Add an article
a stand
the stand
that
can Correct pronoun usage
which
lend
to decreased attention spans, and Correct your spelling
lead
reduce
interpersonal skills, hindering meaningful connections and empathy.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
reduced
although
modern technology
have
presented challenges that might divide us, Change the verb form
has
however
, it has given us the great opportunity and accessibility to connected
with Wrong verb form
connect
people
at our fingertips, regardless the
distancesChange preposition
of the
Submitted by nataliewong313 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of complex sentence structures to effectively convey your arguments. This would enhance the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
To further strengthen your task achievement score, aim to include more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your viewpoints. This approach will provide greater depth to your analysis and make your argument more compelling.
general
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and word choice issues, which can detract from the reader's overall understanding and engage in your argument.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints on the impact of modern technology on human connectivity, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which succinctly presents your main argument and summarizes your stance, enhancing the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples, especially the reference to the COVID pandemic to illustrate how technology has facilitated connection, is commendable and supports your main points effectively.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.