Modern people mostly stay at home rather than going outdoors. What are the reasons for this trend? Is this trend good or bad?

In
this
modern world, there is a divisive opinion in society. Where some folks believe that
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
at home is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better,
while
others oppose that going outdoors would be more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
I strongly
anvocate
Correct your spelling
advocate
for the letter, despite there is merit in the argument that going outdoors has numerous benefits that
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
at
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
.
Along with
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I am going to discuss both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
before arriving at the conclusion.
To begin
with, It is essential to underscore that
hangout
Correct your spelling
hanging out
show examples
outdoors has a lot of benefits. In my perspective,
people
who are doing a large number of activities in the field
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will gain
many
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
experience than
outhers
Correct your spelling
others
other
people
who never
doing
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
activities outside
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
.
For instance
, older
people
who
was
Verb problem
have
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time and have a lot of
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems fastly than
yout
Correct your spelling
young
people
.
Moreover
, going outdoors can help
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
to develop their
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and create great
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
with other
people
. Eventually, it is useful for their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
due to
they could
lern
Correct your spelling
learn
new things and more realize about social
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
However
, several
people
oppose
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
at home would be more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
, it
is happen
Change the verb form
is happening
show examples
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
several reasons.
Firstly
, they assume that
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
at house has some advantages
such
as they will have
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time with their family and from
economic
Correct article usage
an economic
show examples
aspect they can
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
a lot of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money because they
no
Verb problem
do not
show examples
need
spent
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
cost to
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
outdoors.
Secondly
, for
introvert
Fix the agreement mistake
introverts
show examples
person
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
at home
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
the best choice as they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
have many
interact
Replace the word
interactions
show examples
with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
. In conclusion, going outdoors become
positive
Add an article
a positive
the positive
show examples
trend for
millenial
Correct your spelling
millennial
generations as
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
activities can assist them to enhance their ability in many aspects.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Try to present your ideas more clearly by organizing them into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific argument or point of view. This aids in readability and ensures logical flow.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity of your main points by supporting them with more specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Reviewing these areas can significantly improve the quality and clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a conclusion that reflects on the points discussed.
Task Achievement
You successfully bring up several arguments for both viewpoints, which showcases your ability to engage with diverse perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: