For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but it is also a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Many people believe that shopping is not
buying
what they want Rephrase
only buying
also
Correct word choice
but also
it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
kind
of enjoyment. As far as I am concerned, there are some benefits and drawbacks to Correct article usage
a kind
this
statement however
I also
believe that negative sides are more than positive ones.
To begin
with, in this
modern world, fashion and design have improved through altering society and every year different types of goods get popular so for
this
reason, people tend to buy more merchandise as they are current soceity's
well-known trend. As Correct your spelling
society's
the
consequence, it leads to overconsumption and the ongoing problem we are facing nowadays, climate change has been Correct article usage
a
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
because
of Change preposition
by
this
human Correct determiner usage
apply
beings
overutilization.
Change noun form
beings'
being's
On the other hand
, manufactures
advertise their merchandise as Replace the word
manufacturers
good
as possible to hook consumer's attention and get some efficiency through purchases. Change the word
well
On the other hand
, a group of individuals find shopping happily
because it satisfies their enjoyment and mental health. Change the word
happy
As a result
, it may lead to overspending their money on unnecessary products and free times
.
Fix the agreement mistake
time
To conclude
, may shopping support our mental health as much as possible, it is also
a primary resource that is
causing some problems to environment
and individual's budget.Add an article
the environment
Submitted by nazim200709 on
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Introduction
Consider starting your essay with a more engaging introduction that clearly outlines your stance. This helps to immediately establish your position and engage the reader.
Balance Arguments
Try to balance both sides of the argument more evenly. While it's clear you lean towards viewing shopping as a negative development, providing more elaboration on the positive aspects can enrich your argument.
Use of Examples
Enhance your essay by including more specific, real-life examples to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
Variety and Accuracy
Be mindful of repeating ideas or phrases. Aim to introduce new information or perspectives in each paragraph to keep the reader engaged. Also, watch out for slight grammatical errors and aim to vary sentence structure for a more sophisticated writing style.
Critical Analysis
You effectively highlight the negative consequences of shopping as entertainment, such as overconsumption and the impact on climate change, which shows good analytical thinking.
Conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's argument and demonstrating an ability to provide closure effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.