For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but it is also a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development

Many people believe that shopping is not

buying

Rephrase

only buying

show examples

what they want

also

Correct word choice

but also

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

kind

Correct article usage

a kind

show examples

of enjoyment. As far as I am concerned, there are some benefits and drawbacks to

this

statement

however

also

believe that negative sides are more than positive ones.

To begin

with, in

this

modern world, fashion and design have improved through altering society and every year different types of goods get popular so

for

this

reason, people tend to buy more merchandise as they are current

soceity's

Correct your spelling

society's

well-known trend. As

the

Correct article usage

show examples

consequence, it leads to overconsumption and the ongoing problem we are facing nowadays, climate change has been

causing

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

because

Change preposition

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

human

beings

Change noun form

beings'

being's

show examples

overutilization.

On the other hand

manufactures

Replace the word

manufacturers

show examples

advertise their merchandise as

good

Change the word

well

show examples

as possible to hook consumer's attention and get some efficiency through purchases.

On the other hand

, a group of individuals find shopping

happily

Change the word

happy

show examples

because it satisfies their enjoyment and mental health.

As a result

, it may lead to overspending their money on unnecessary products and free

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

To conclude

, may shopping support our mental health as much as possible, it is

also

a primary resource

that is

causing some problems to

environment

Add an article

the environment

show examples

and individual's budget.

Submitted by nazim200709 on Thu May 09 2024

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Introduction

Consider starting your essay with a more engaging introduction that clearly outlines your stance. This helps to immediately establish your position and engage the reader.

Balance Arguments

Try to balance both sides of the argument more evenly. While it's clear you lean towards viewing shopping as a negative development, providing more elaboration on the positive aspects can enrich your argument.

Use of Examples

Enhance your essay by including more specific, real-life examples to support your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.

Variety and Accuracy

Be mindful of repeating ideas or phrases. Aim to introduce new information or perspectives in each paragraph to keep the reader engaged. Also, watch out for slight grammatical errors and aim to vary sentence structure for a more sophisticated writing style.

Critical Analysis

You effectively highlight the negative consequences of shopping as entertainment, such as overconsumption and the impact on climate change, which shows good analytical thinking.

Conclusion

Your conclusion successfully summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's argument and demonstrating an ability to provide closure effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

196 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but it is also a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Most scientific inventions and discoveries are worthless and only waste of time and money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reason for this, and suggest some solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

In some societies, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might the parental role develop in the future?

In many parts of the world, some famous people are considered as 'role models' and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

in many countries, more and more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and society?give reasons and make some suggestions.