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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Million people today are travelling farther and farther throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, other think that its influences are positive. Write an essay to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities. Including reasons and relevent examples to support your answer.

#tourism #industries #world #million #people #year #development #effects #communities #influences #relevent #support
As now people are all living in a global village, travelling
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more convenient and affordable.
Tourism
 contributed significantly to many countries' economic development,
however
, some people argue that it brings disadvantageous
effets
Correct your spelling
effects
 on local communities. In my opinion,
tourism
 has more benefits than drawbacks.
To begin
 with, revenue from
tourism
 can
undoubtfully
Replace the word
undoubtedly
show examples
 enhance
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 growth of the city or town. Taking my hometown, Wuxi, as an example, after the Lingshan Buddha Statue was completed which became a popular
senic
Change the capitalization
Senic
show examples
 spot in 2000, Wuxi's GDP ranking climbed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place on the list of Annual GDP of Cities in Jiangsu Province and kept
this
 record until now
owning
Correct your spelling
owing
show examples
 to the thousands of tourists visiting Wuxi every year.
In addition
,
tourism
 can urge
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 to improve infrastructures
such
 as reserved parks, public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 and urban afforestation.
This
 will not only attract visitors from all over the world but
also
 improve local residents' living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Last
 but not least,
while
this
 industry develops, more job vacancies will be open to the regional communities. By working in
this
 industry, local residents gain more career opportunities,
at
Correct word choice
and at
show examples
 the same time, they are exchanging local culture to the world with
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
 pride in all sectors
such
 as showing them local historical heritage, introducing cultural
costoms
Correct your spelling
customs
 and serving traditional foods.
Nevertheless
, it is undeniable that large
amont
Correct your spelling
amount
 of tourists can
casuse
Correct your spelling
cause
 problems
such
 as pollution and overcrowded traffic which are definitely burdens to the local government. In spite of these negative impacts, I still believe
tourism
 leads to advantageous effects on the region.
Submitted by carriexue23 on

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Introduction
Ensure your essay begins with a clear introduction that addresses the topic directly and outlines your stance or approach. You've done this effectively, setting a good foundation for your argument.
Body Paragraph Development
Strive to develop each paragraph with a clear main idea, followed by explanations, examples, or evidence. Your essay demonstrates this well, especially with the use of specific examples like the Lingshan Buddha Statue in Wuxi.
Cohesive Devices
Aim to use a range of conjunctions and cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly. You've managed this quite well, but a wider variety of linking words could enhance the flow even further.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas of your essay and restates your viewpoint, which is a strong aspect of your writing. Always ensure to re-emphasize your stance and main arguments as you've done.
Vocabulary Range
To further improve, consider exploring a broader range of vocabulary to express your ideas. While your essay is clear, more varied language use could strengthen your expressions and make your argument more compelling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and aim for accuracy in your writing. While your essay has few errors, refining your grammar can enhance the overall quality of your work.
Specific Examples
Using specific examples like the impact of tourism on Wuxi's GDP and job creation demonstrates effective task achievement and supports your argument compellingly.
Structure
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure is essential for good coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Socio-economic development
  • Infrastructure
  • Cultural exchange
  • International understanding
  • Cultural dilution
  • Commodification
  • Environmental degradation
  • Overcrowding
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Eco-friendly practices
  • Cultural preservation
  • Economic disparity
  • Local economy
  • Hospitality industry
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tourist influx
  • Local communities
  • Economic boon
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Resource depletion
What to do next:
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