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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that if the police force carries guns, it would encourage a higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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Nowadays, the role of the
police
Use synonyms
 force has become more crucial than before as there are higher criminal levels.
However
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, I strongly disagree with those who think that
guns
Use synonyms
 carried by the
police
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 force will encourage a higher level of
violence
Use synonyms
 in society for two main reasons. First and foremost, I can not find any correlation between a
police
Use synonyms
 gun and a criminal case that possibly happened. The
guns
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' function is to protect the
police
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 themselves
as well as
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 the society around them, so they will use their
guns
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 if they feel or see people in danger.
For instance
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, a criminal who stole
money
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 from a store ran away,
thus
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 the
police
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 can use their
guns
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 to stop them.
Furthermore
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,
guns
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 can
also
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 function to prevent
violence
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. To illustrate
this
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, let's say there is someone who wants to steal
money
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 from a random person in the street, but suddenly he sees the
police
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 with
guns
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 around there, so he decides to step back.
Secondly
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, I think there are more crucial factors that encourage someone to do something violent. Maybe economic factors have become the main reason why people choose to be criminals. They have to fulfil their needs to live but do not have
money
Use synonyms
 to buy things. We often hear many cases like that,
for example
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, there is someone who steals a phone so that he can sell it and get
money
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 from it. In conclusion, I can not stand with those who believe the
guns
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 of the
police
Use synonyms
 force will drive a higher level of
violence
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. I think there is no correlation between those two things.
Moreover
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, I believe that
violence
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 happens because of fundamental reasons like economic factors.
Therefore
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, rather than argue about the
police
Use synonyms
guns
Use synonyms
' function, we can discuss more about how to prevent criminals by raising society's welfare.

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Relevance & Focus
Ensure that your argument directly addresses the question throughout your essay to maintain a strong focus on the topic.
Example Detail
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed scenarios or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Transitions
Provide a variety of transition phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Counter-arguments
Consider exploring counter-arguments to acknowledge opposing views and strengthen your position.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing your main points.
Logical Structure
You've logically structured your essay with clear paragraphs, each developing a specific aspect of your argument.
Specific Examples
The inclusion of specific examples helps illustrate your points and make your arguments more convincing.
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