IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in the cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in the cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
The line graph below illustrates the rate of citizens in four different countries,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 started in 1970 and will
continu
Correct your spelling
continue
 until 2040. At first glance at the line graph. Almost all the countries will hit the highest point in 2040. Another noticeable feature, Indonesia shows an upward,
while
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
swing
Wrong verb form
swinging
show examples
. Interestingly, Malaysia and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 included approximately the same percentage of citizens in 1970.
To begin
 with, in the first year,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 was the highest,
while
 Indonesia
equaled
Change the spelling
equalled
show examples
 the least rate. On one hand,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 increased slightly, after that, it grew significantly, and
then
 it decreased;
on the other hand
, Indonesia
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 continuously.
In addition
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year, Malaysia
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the highest number of residents,
while
 Thailand hit the lowest point.
Moreover
, there are some
predicts
Replace the word
predictions
show examples
 for the future that show a growth in the four regions.
Additionally
, it seems that Thailand and
Philippines'
Correct article usage
the Philippines'
show examples
 populations will grow gradually in the coming years.
Besides
 that, the gap between Thailand and Malaysia will be around 40%.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: