More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the prices of fast food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, more and more
people
are busy because of their heavy workloads and they cannot spend enough time to eat meals appropriately.
This
situation leads them to eat fast
food
which makes them overweight.
However
, there is a statement that
people
will less consume fast
food
if the government increase the
prices
. Personally, I disagree with
this
suggestion because the c
To begin
with, raising the
prices
of fast
food
cannot solve
this
issue because the main reason individuals have fast
food
is the time, not the
prices
.
For instance
, workers, especially in Korea, sometimes enjoy fast
food
for lunch
such
as Hamburgers since it comes out quicker than other restaurants.
Although
we know the quality of fast
food
is bad for our health and obesity, we choose it because of its convenience.
Therefore
, we cannot avoid eating fast
food
in a hectic society and
people
will still eat fast
food
even if its
prices
are boosted.
Additionally
, there are other reasons for gaining weight without eating specific
food
.
Firstly
,
due to
workloads,
people
have dinner late at night. They don't have the energy to cook, so they eat microwave
food
which has many harmful ingredients,
this
leads to obesity.
Secondly
,
people
nowadays don't exercise much compared to the past
due to
the development of technology. Watching videos or playing games are more popular than activities, which makes
people
gain more weight
due to
insufficient
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical activities. In conclusion, I firmly disagree with raising the
prices
of fast
food
since it will deprive individuals freedom to choose to eat fast
food
for not waste time eating. I personally believe that there are more serious reasons for being overweight not just by having fast
food
.
Submitted by kchengii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Make sure to complete your introductory sentence for clarity and better engagement with the reader. An unfinished sentence might leave your argument feeling incomplete.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the coherence of your essay. This variety can make your argument flow more smoothly and appear more sophisticated.
Argument Balance
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument to some extent, even if you choose to argue strongly for one side. This could include acknowledging potential benefits of the opposing view before explaining your disagreement.
Examples
You've provided clear and relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: