More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the prices of fast food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prices #food

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In today's world, more and more

people

Use synonyms

are busy because of their heavy workloads and they cannot spend enough time to eat meals appropriately.

This

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situation leads them to eat fast

food

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which makes them overweight.

However

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, there is a statement that

people

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will less consume fast

food

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if the government increase the

prices

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. Personally, I disagree with

this

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suggestion because the c

To begin

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with, raising the

prices

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of fast

food

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cannot solve

this

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issue because the main reason individuals have fast

food

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is the time, not the

prices

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For instance

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, workers, especially in Korea, sometimes enjoy fast

food

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for lunch

such

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as Hamburgers since it comes out quicker than other restaurants.

Although

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we know the quality of fast

food

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is bad for our health and obesity, we choose it because of its convenience.

Therefore

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, we cannot avoid eating fast

food

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in a hectic society and

people

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will still eat fast

food

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even if its

prices

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are boosted.

Additionally

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, there are other reasons for gaining weight without eating specific

food

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Firstly

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due to

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workloads,

people

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have dinner late at night. They don't have the energy to cook, so they eat microwave

food

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which has many harmful ingredients,

this

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leads to obesity.

Secondly

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people

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nowadays don't exercise much compared to the past

due to

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the development of technology. Watching videos or playing games are more popular than activities, which makes

people

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gain more weight

due to

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insufficient

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physical activities. In conclusion, I firmly disagree with raising the

prices

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of fast

food

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since it will deprive individuals freedom to choose to eat fast

food

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for not waste time eating. I personally believe that there are more serious reasons for being overweight not just by having fast

food

Use synonyms

Submitted by kchengii on Thu May 09 2024

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Introduction

Make sure to complete your introductory sentence for clarity and better engagement with the reader. An unfinished sentence might leave your argument feeling incomplete.

Language Use

Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the coherence of your essay. This variety can make your argument flow more smoothly and appear more sophisticated.

Argument Balance

To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument to some extent, even if you choose to argue strongly for one side. This could include acknowledging potential benefits of the opposing view before explaining your disagreement.

Examples

You've provided clear and relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the prices of fast food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?