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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opine.

#people #parents #role #child #development #television #friends #siginificant #influence #opine
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The role of
parents
 is considered the most significant aspect of a child's milestone,
while
 others believe that other factors
such
 as
television
 and friends are
also
 important ingredients in raising
kids
. In
this
 essay, both views will be discussed. Regarding the first perspective,
parents
 are the role models for their
kids
, meaning that what
parents
 do will be followed by the
kids
.
Due to
this
 fact, during the
kids
' development,
parents
 should provide many valuable insights to the
kids
. Take the example of table manners. Before
parents
 teach their
kids
 how to eat properly, they must show them the correct way to use the eating equipment or how to consume the food. With regards to the second view,
television
 is a part of a child's development since it provides useful information to the
kids
,
for example
, technology and science.
However
, the consumption of
television
 must be controlled.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because
television
 has many disadvantages.
For instance
, the
kids
 will become addicted or consume false information. The
kids
 having friends in their developmental era is significant for social purposes. The
kids
 must learn how to socialize with other people so that they will not tend to be lonely when they are adults.
To sum up
, two perspectives arise in terms of parenting: the significant roles of
parents
 and the importance of external factors like TV and friends. To me, these factors should be included in the parenting process since they are part of the natural life needed by
kids
 during the period of growth.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and includes a distinct thesis statement that outlines your opinion.
Task Achievement
Develop each main point in distinct paragraphs and make sure that they are fully supported with specific examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
Work on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph, ensuring that they are fully developed and directly related to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and information throughout your essay to aid readability and understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion should not only summarize the essay's main points but also clearly state your own position on the issue.
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