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Band 5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and your own opinion.

#people #individuals
Some
people
 believe that nowadays
people
 are more count on each other
while
 some others think that
people
 become autonomous.
Although
 it can be argued that more
people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
depend on but I think in social
life
, more and more young generation are self-reliant. On the one hand, it is argued that
people
 have a trend to live far away from their family. They want to live without rules from their
parents
 and have a liberal or comfortable about their time.
Moreover
, some citizens who could go for
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
theirself
Correct your spelling
their self
, so they must reach another place to live.
Therefore
, they must study how can take care of, autonomous in their
life
.
As a result
,
people
 as the young generation today regularly live more
self-sufficient
Correct your spelling
self-sufficiently
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
people
 become dependent on their
parents
 or their position in society. They were provided everything they liked, so
day
 by
day
,
people
 were lazier than the previous
day
 and they
don'
Wrong verb form
didn't
show examples
t
 try to do anything. They always think their
life
 are supported by their
parents
 and they mustn'
t
 worry about anything. But if one
day
 their
parents
 retire and don'
t
 have the ability to care for them, so they lose their career path. In my opinion, I think that
people
 who are independent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 anything,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try hard to do everything so they will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
people
 for the community. In conclusion, the dependent person doesn'
t
 do anything if their
parents
 don'
t
 help them. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
independent
people
 can succeed in
life
 with their attempts at work.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, but consider providing more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within it directly support that idea.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include specific instances or research that backs up your claims.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your essay.
task achievement
Your essay reflects personal opinions and considerations, enhancing the response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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