Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years,
due to
the development of technology, the installation of
cameras
in public areas has increased to reduce criminal activities.
However
, some people believe that the camcorder can affect personal life.
This
trend both has merits and shortcomings but the writer of
this
essay concedes the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
with, video surveillance is highly beneficial in reducing the crime rate.To be more specific, offenders can be easily captured by
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
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cameras
.
Consequently
, lawbreakers may be scared and try to avoid committing crimes again.
Moreover
, some sinners may be aware of the evidence that the Polaroid was caught
due to
the anxiety of being fined.
For example
in Japan which began installing 10,000 video
cameras
in 2019,
as a result
, the rate of crime reduced rapidly by 20% compared to the time before the
cameras
were installed.
Hence
, camcorders play an important role in preventing felons.
On the other hand
, traffic recorders can
also
be helpful in finding missing things.To be more clear,when residents lose their property police officers can easily track back the recorder to support the missing person to find the objects which were lost.
In addition
, in some situations, there can be disputation of the objects that walkers pick up on the street and policemen can search those devices via public
cameras
and clues to one's belongings .
For instance
, in the USA variety of things have been lost but the owner can find the things they lost after coming to the police station.Indeed,camcorders are extremely advantageous in finding people in need and goods.
In contrast
,the main drawback is that
cameras
influence the residents' freedom.Obviously,the existence of public
cameras
can disturb the private life.To put it simply, some people are apprehensive and can conveniently get hurt if someone tries to monitor them.
This
can totally affect their mental health.Take India as an example,there was a suicide because the victim felt stress
while
the
cameras
always filmed him and he could not stand that pressure so the solution he chose was to stop his life. In conclusion, the number of
cameras
installed in public places is increasing.The advantages of
this
phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.
Thus
,authorities should invest more in placing
cameras
in the public space.
Submitted by nusramkumar on

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Introduction Improvement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, yet it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the essay prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with clear paragraphs, but consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide a balanced discussion by equally covering both the advantages and disadvantages before concluding with your own view. This will strengthen the argument and clarity of your position.
Vocabulary and Accuracy
Be cautious with word choice for precision and accuracy. Words like 'Polaroid' and 'traffic recorders' might not best represent 'security cameras.' Clarity in terminology can enhance the reader's understanding.
Examples
You provided relevant, concrete examples to support your arguments, which helps to strengthen your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's main arguments.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
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