Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
people
today are more independent or depend on each other more than before. In my opinion, individuals have much more interactions with others
today but many of them are so standartized
that it is easy to live without counting on Correct your spelling
standardised
others
.
It is considered that,
the amount of Remove the comma
apply
people
that a person meets per day now is usually higher that
the amount of encountered Correct your spelling
than
people
during a whole life in tribal societies millennia ago. It is hard to argue that it is possible to become more independent with such
increasing
number of Correct article usage
an increasing
acquintances
. Correct your spelling
acquaintances
However
, I stick with an
opinion that in most cases it is not a Correct article usage
the
relationships
between two persons but rather between a person and a system. Correct the article-noun agreement
relationship
For example
, when a patient comes to a hospital the outcome of a threatment
depends less on personal relations with a doctor and more on standardized protocols.
Correct your spelling
treatment
By contrast
, in the previous centuries and millennia being part of a tribe or a clan was a matter of survival. Without other mates surviving a
harsh weather or fighting predators or other humans in coalitions was near to impossible. Remove the article
apply
Therefore
, dependency on others
was much stronger than nowadays. In my opinion, it is a valid claim. An illustration for
that was using exile from a group as the most severe punishment that was close to a death sentence.
Change preposition
of
To conclude
, although
people
today have more communications
with Fix the agreement mistake
communication
others
, they are more independent compared to the times when forming coalitions with others
was matter
of life and death. Reliable institutions decreased Correct article usage
a matter
importance
of personal connections.Correct article usage
the importance
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Introduction Structure
Try to more clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction for a stronger setup of your essay's structure. This could involve more directly stating the views you will discuss, allowing the reader to follow along with greater ease.
Use of Connectives
In order to enhance coherence, consider using more varied connective words and transitions to smoothly link ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument flow more naturally and be easier to follow.
Development of Examples
To improve your task achievement further, continue to provide specific examples that directly support your points. You’ve made a good start, but adding more depth to your examples could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Response
You provided a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion, effectively addressing all parts of the prompt.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the arguments made in the body of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is structured logically, with clear distinctions between paragraphs and ideas, aiding in readability.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.