IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Global
hunger
 is worsening at an unprecedented rate. Even though there are some developments in the production and distribution of food, it seems that they are not enough to reduce the rate of people who suffer from
hunger
.
This
 essay will discuss the causes of global
hunger
 and what can be done to help. The most influential reasons for global
hunger
 are natural disasters and geopolitical risks,
such
 as climate change, floods, earthquakes, wars and conflicts. Natural disasters cause instability in an area, causing livestock
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
as a consequence
 of soaring temperatures and shifting patterns of rainfalls.
In addition
 to that, wars and conflicts negatively impact the infrastructure of the market and transportation route
while
 simultaneously causing people to lose their jobs, income and houses. In response to the above causes, I believe the fastest and most impactful thing to do is for both the
government
 and the
society
 to help by establishing humanitarian aid service posts. On the
government
 side, it should set aside a substantial amount of its national budget to purchase livestock and distribute it to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote areas.
In addition
, as a part of the
society
, people can
also
 establish their own private service
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 and gather funds from all across regions to be
then
 distributed as food, livestock,
as well as
 sanitation and hygiene products. With assistance from both
government
 and private sectors, the process will be faster and the impact can be felt directly by the affected
society
. In summary, I believe that the two main causes of global
hunger
 are natural disasters and geopolitical risks, and I believe both
government
 and
society
 have to go hand in hand in managing the situation to prevent
further
 damage to the affected
society
.
Submitted by sormindevina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide a more varied range of sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Consider elaborating further on solutions with more detailed examples and how they would specifically address the causes of global hunger.
task achievement
For a higher score, ensure a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the task in the introduction and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the response to the task.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and discusses significant causes of global hunger, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion, which aids in the logical flow and coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Use of specific examples like natural disasters and geopolitical risks to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: