IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people like to go to a live sporting event, while others prefer to stay at home and watch it on television. Which do you prefer? Discuss both views using personal examples.

#people #live #event #home #television
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Nowadays, sports have become very popular around the world. Many
people
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 prefer to attend matches at the stadium,
while
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 others like to watch them on television at
home
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. Personally, I enjoy watching sports at
home
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 with my
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 friends and family.
This
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 essay will delve into both viewpoints and
subsequently
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 explain my own perspective.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 argue that watching a match live is more interesting than watching it at
home
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. Attending competitions is a special experience. First of all, it is a chance to see players face-to-face and take photos with them.
Secondly
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, fans can encourage their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 club and support them.
For example
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, many players feel excited when they see their fans, which motivates them to play better.
Lastly
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, the environment in the stadium is very engaging, with all the attendees singing and shouting.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue that watching a sporting event at
home
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 is more enjoyable. It is an opportunity to have fun with friends and family.
In addition
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, they can have delicious food
while
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 watching TV,
such
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 as popcorn, pizza, and hot drinks.
Also
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, there are some
people
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 who do not like noise, so they can enjoy the calm atmosphere at
home
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. In my opinion, I prefer to watch matches with my close friends at
home
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 because it is a chance to meet them and have a fun time together.
To sum up
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, everyone has their own preferred way
to watch
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of watching
show examples
 sporting events. I think it depends on their mood and personality. Quiet
people
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 may prefer watching at
home
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,
whereas
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 social
people
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 might like to go out and enjoy the game live.
Submitted by mrym05411 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding the concluding paragraph to summarize key points that support your preference more clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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