IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The only reason why people work hard is to eanr money and there is no another reason for doing so. To what extent do you agree and disagree ?

#reason #people #work #eanr #money
Nowadays, we are living in the advents of new high-tech, and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard is
vital
Add an article
a vital
the vital
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 factor that
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
social-life
Correct your spelling
social life
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. Some public
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
work
-a-bee
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct your spelling
as
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 bread and butter
instead
 of
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 reason for doing so. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the rationales behind these two views before showing why I
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 the latter statement.
To begin
 with, the element of
work
 hard that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 income of individuals with the goal spent on
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 for personal or family. For illustrate, when
Correct article usage
a nation
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nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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focus
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focuses
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 on
Add an article
the job
a job
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job
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jobs
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 that
earn
Change the verb form
earns
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 cash, they are capable carry out family. They need to money
that meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
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 a friend,
paying
Wrong verb form
pay
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 house bills and shopping.
In addition
, citizens have higher salaries, who will save huge money based on
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 planning,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 can
be use
Change the verb form
be used
show examples
 for urgent
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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.
Therefore
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard not only
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 a source of income but
also
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
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motivation
Add an article
the motivation
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 of
public
Correct article usage
the public
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,
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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a
Remove the article
apply
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mental health, and
rise
Verb problem
raises
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 spending management aptitude. Regarding the aspect of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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have
Verb problem
who do
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 not
desired
Wrong verb form
desire
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 to
task
Add an article
a task
the task
show examples
 that
attraction
Replace the word
attract
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 coins, they can grow
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
talent, and dedication
for
Change preposition
to
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community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. In
an
Correct article usage
apply
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extreme instance, artists always live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion,
who
Correct word choice
and
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 are conscientious that creating a script or song
serve
Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
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in
Change preposition
as
show examples
spectator
Correct article usage
a spectator
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. Plus,
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
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are
Verb problem
have
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 word effect on healing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 spirit
for
Change preposition
of
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 residents, seeing that people only
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 a method of wealth, but they
are forgotten
Wrong verb form
forget
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 themselves. Another point to discuss is that
soldier
Fix the agreement mistake
soldiers
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 always been covering
country
Correct article usage
the country
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, brings along peaceful
for
Change preposition
to
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 citizens. They are
also
commitment
Replace the word
committed
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with
Change preposition
to
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significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
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 mission.
Thus
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 hard for society or
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
ability of yourself still
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 benefits for
career
Correct pronoun usage
your career
show examples
.
For
Change preposition
From
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 the viewpoints mentioned above, I recognize money, and device a job in society so vital.
Furthermore
, each person will have their own orientation and follow a dream that
crate
Verb problem
creates
show examples
a prosper
Wrong verb form
prosperity
show examples
 and education
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organising your ideas more logically. Clear introduction, well-developed paragraphs, and a strong conclusion will enhance your coherence.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This not only makes your essay more interesting but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
grammar
Try to improve your grammatical accuracy and range. While minor errors are not significantly penalised, consistently correct grammar can enhance the overall quality of your essay.
vocabulary
Expand your lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms. This can help to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You've done well in presenting both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
You've included an introduction and tried to conclude your essay, which is good practice for essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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