IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,
art
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 is gaining popularity in many countries,
while
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 some people feel that
art
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 is an important skill to practice, others disagree with
this
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 idea. In my opinion, I completely agree with developing
this
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 kind of skill
due to
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 its massive benefits in several aspects. The first reason is the expression of feelings and emotions. The beauty is a valid stress release tool by expressing feelings
such
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 as sadness and happiness. In a study done at London University, by 2012, they found that people who practised any kind of
art
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 had a better health status and were less prone to diseases
as a result
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 of good mood and less anxiety compared to those who did not practice
art
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. The additional reason for my stance is to increase the person’s income. The high cost of living these days is motivating them to utilise
this
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 talent to level up their financial status and secure their future.
For example
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, my sister’s friend is not a popular artist. She had an
art
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 gallery in Paris
last
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 summer. She painted around thirty paintings of nature. She said, “ I sold all my pictures within the first two days of the gallery's opening”. My sister’s friend gained approximately 60,000$ from her work sales.
Hence
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, the
art
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 is considered a vital source of increasing a person’s income that can not be ignored. In conclusion, the
art
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 is not a gift anyone can learn and improve
this
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 precious skill to be financially free and improve their life quality by being away from stress.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to link your ideas more smoothly for better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points and make them more convincing.
positive
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reiterates your view on art's importance.
positive
You provided a relevant example of your sister’s friend that helps to illustrate your point about financial benefits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural expression
  • preserving cultural identity
  • foster creativity
  • critical thinking
  • emotional expression
  • economic activity
  • boost tourism
  • therapeutic effects
  • reduce stress
  • social commentary
  • promote social change
  • individual expression
  • personal fulfillment
  • sense of achievement
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