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Band 5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#media #e #g #facebook #twitter #contact #people #life #development
It is often argued that social networking
sites
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 taken over traditional
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 of
interection
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with
others
.
While
this
 shift brings some health concerns in recent societies, I believe that
socilising
Correct your spelling
socialising
socializing
 with
people
 on the internet has more benefits.
Firstly
, positive aspects include its accessibility and
covenience
Correct your spelling
convenience
. As long as there is the internet,
people
 can talk to
others
 anytime and anywhere. Individuals can
also
 connect with their loved ones regardless of the distance.
For example
, since I have been living overseas for ten years, meeting with my family and friends has been
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
challenging for me because of the time and cost of travelling.
However
, thanks to technology advancements. I can still stay in touch with them
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 social
media
 platforms.
Thus
, technology can help us to keep our meaningful relationships.
Nevertheless
, it is
also
 important to be aware of some of
drawbacks
Add an article
the drawbacks
show examples
 of using social
media
sites
. One of the prominent impacts is its addictiveness. Some individuals spend too much on staring at social
media
sites
 and scrolling
others
' feeds for hours, ending up wasting time.
A prolonged
Remove the article
Prolonged
show examples
 use of digital devices can
also
 harm
people
's well-being,
such
 as neck pain and visual impairment.
For instance
, a study revealed that smartphone
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 become one of the serious causes of chronic issues
such
 as neck and back pain. The study
also
 showed that 80% of
people
 who suffered from neck pain spent an average of 10 hours of screen time. In conclusion,
while
 social
media
sites
 can lead
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
 health risks, the advantages,
such
 as
fascilitating
Correct your spelling
facilitating
 our interaction with
others
 bring greater positive outcomes.
Submitted by chia.8ee on

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development
Try to ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed. Expanding on each main point with more detailed examples or explanations could further strengthen your argument.
accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'it is often argued that social networking sites has taken over' which should be 'have taken over'. These small inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of your message.
variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a broader range of linguistic skills. This can make your writing more engaging and dynamic.
topic understanding
You have clearly outlined the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows a good understanding of the essay topic.
examples
The use of a personal example ('since I have been living overseas for ten years...') is effective in illustrating your point and making your argument more relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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