IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that watching TV is good and makes life more enjoyable. Others, however, feel that it is a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

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With the startling pace of technology development in recent decades,
televesions
Correct your spelling
televisions
television
 have found their
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to every household.
While
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on
TV
Use synonyms
, the opponents argue that
time
Use synonyms
 should be spent more wisely. In my opinion,
TV
Use synonyms
 brings more benefits and drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is a
low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
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 leisure activity which provides
people
Use synonyms
 relaxation and entertainment at home.
For example
Linking Words
, a comedy or a sitcom can bring the audience joy
thus
Linking Words
 forgetting about the pressure from a
long-day
Correct your spelling
long day
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 work. A movie watched with the whole family can not only bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pleasure
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 enhance the family bond.
In addition
Linking Words
, compared with seeing a film in the cinema, watching a movie on
TV
Use synonyms
 is cheaper, easier and more convenient with more choices.
People
Use synonyms
 can select their favourite types of
TV
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 programmes updated on subscription streaming services
such
Linking Words
 as Netflix and Apple
TV
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. Shows can be paused and replayed anytime,
moreover
Linking Words
, a whole season of episodes can be binge-watched during free
time
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.
In addition
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,
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of shows on
TV
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 are not only entertaining
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 informative which can meet different audience's needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many families, the father often enjoys watching
news
Add an article
the news
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 and a live sports game after a busy day of work; the housewife follows every episode of her favourite drama; the children love the
time
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 watching cartoon programmes and the youth can acquire information from documentaries on the topics they are keen on. Though there are voices saying that watching
TV
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 is a waste of
time
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 and apart from the enjoyment, there are a lot of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 and junk information.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I still think watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is a good way of
relaxation
Replace the word
relaxing
show examples
. Televisions, just like a lot of other high-tech devices, are tools, if
people
Use synonyms
 use them at a good
time
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 wisely, they will be of great use.

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Introduction clarity
Ensure a clear stance is presented in the introduction for a more effective argument.
Conclusion effectiveness
Consider adding a brief conclusion to summarize your stance and the main points discussed, reinforcing your argument.
Balanced Argument
To further enhance your essay, you could explore contrasting viewpoints more thoroughly, providing a more balanced discussion and demonstrating a deeper analysis of the topic.
Content and Support
Your essay provides a comprehensive and well-structured argument in favor of watching TV, making excellent use of examples to support your points.
Structure and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay and the clear progression of ideas significantly contribute to the coherence and cohesion of your argument.
Language Diversity
You've effectively used a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas, enhancing the readability and interest of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relaxation
  • entertainment
  • unwind
  • diverse tastes
  • documentaries
  • educational programs
  • excessive
  • physical activity
  • social interaction
  • inappropriate content
  • selective
  • moderated
  • leisure time
  • pursuing hobbies
  • engaging
  • fulfilling
  • productive
What to do next:
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