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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.
#bar #percentage #school #children #instruments
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The given bar chart
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicates
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about
Change preposition
apply
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learning to play four different musical instruments
of
Change preposition
apply
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school children in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 between 2005
to
Correct word choice
and
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 2015. First of all, The musical instruments consist of violin, guitar,
paino
Correct your spelling
piano
 and drums.
Guitar
Add an article
The guitar
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 is the highest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of musical
instuments
Correct your spelling
instruments
 that we could see it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dramatically increased from
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2005 to 2015 that was 12%, 20% and 27% respectively. Similar to Piano was slightly increased in 2005 to 2015 from 11%,17% and 25% .
In contrast
Linking Words
, Drum and Violin
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
steadily increased
since
Change preposition
from
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 2005 to 2015 . In conclusion, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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musical
instument
Correct your spelling
instrument
instruments
 that students love to play
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 guitar and piano but drums and violin
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 less
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
.
Submitted by chalermchartbsc on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 90%.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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