At the present time, the population of some countries include relative large numbers of young adults compared with the number of older people Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give the reasons for your answer and include any relative examples from your own knowledge or experiences.
In the age of technology, it
easy
to calculate the population of the world Add a missing verb
is easy
while
some people
argue that it is good that people
are calculated by comparing adults to the old.
On the one hand, many countries should inform and check the amount of their population in their territories so every year, every country enounces their data of people
who are more and less among the young and the elderly. Because if they do not know how many people
are living their
territories, it would bring some negatives like the lack of food , water and living space. These problems can be seen little now but their effects may be big in the future. Change preposition
in their
For example
, in India and in
Change preposition
apply
China's
Change noun form
China
population
are over 3 milliards that equals Fix the agreement mistake
populations
to
Change preposition
apply
the
half of the world's so they have some problems with living areas and food.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other
hand
it is bad that humans are calculated and Add a comma
hand,
this
affects the
Correct article usage
apply
mankinds'
mind and their situation. Change noun form
mankind's
Every one
knows that there are more old Replace the word
Everyone
people
than youngsters in our world, while
repitation
of enouncement Correct your spelling
reputation
repetition
that is
the amount of that. People
who are old, are said that like they must not live or work anywhere and the young should replace their work place
.
In conclusion, there are some advantages of accounting Correct your spelling
workplace
of
the Change preposition
for
people
as protecting from bad affects
.Replace the word
effects
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Clarity in Argumentation
Ensure clarity in presenting your arguments by distinguishing clearly between the advantages and disadvantages. Your essay sometimes blurs the lines between the two, which can confuse readers.
Depth of Analysis
Develop your points more comprehensively. While you outline some advantages and disadvantages, the analysis is quite superficial. Deepen your explanation by using more detailed examples and reasons.
Language Proficiency
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and expanding your vocabulary to better express your ideas. Some sentences are hard to understand due to grammatical errors or unclear phrasing.
Paragraph Structure
Use paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph should represent a new idea or aspect of your argument.
Balanced Discussion
You've made an effort to cover both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Use of Examples
You've attempted to use examples, which helps to ground your arguments. For a stronger impact, focus on making these examples more precise and relevant.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.