Students should pay full cost of their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The full cost of study should be paid by students themselves
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the priority of university education to individuals rather than the public. Personally,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

writer partly agrees with
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement because undergraduate recruitment
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject undergraduate recruitment. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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enough conscious thought to earn money and pay for the learning fee on their own.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, not because education in
academy
Correct article usage
the academy

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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prefers to benefit people
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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society.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the author agrees that recruitment should pay all of the cost of learning themselves because they are major enough to get a first job
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

studying. Undergraduates are no longer dependent on their parents so it is unnecessary for the parents to support their children with living and studying costs.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, students have to manage their time perfectly for both working and studying.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a student has only a course in the morning every day and is free in the afternoon.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of staying at home and waiting for their parents' supplies, they ought to look for a job and earn money.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the reason I partly agree is I do not think that educational institution prioritises people rather than society. To explain, life is equal and everyone has the same advantages so the educational institution learners.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people are equally treated by the government without any distinguishment between academy and community. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

author partly agrees with the statement that recruitment should pay the full cost for their own studies but not with university education benefits individuals rather than
community
Correct article usage
the community

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
.
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Coherence
Ensure stronger linkage between paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas.
Coherence
Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
Cohesion
Be cautious with repetition of ideas or phrases - aim to diversify your language.
Task Achievement
Elaborate more on how the benefits to individuals also translate to benefits for society, to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Structure
Excellent use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
Logical Flow
Good logical structure, making your argument easy to follow.
Task Response
Effective main points that are broadly supported and relevant to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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