Students should pay full cost of their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The full cost of study should be paid by students themselves
due to
the priority of university education to individuals rather than the public. Personally, this
writer partly agrees with this
statement because undergraduate recruitment have
enough conscious thought to earn money and pay for the learning fee on their own. Change the verb form
has
However
, not because education in academy
prefers to benefit people Correct article usage
the academy
to
society.
Change preposition
in
To begin
, the author agrees that recruitment should pay all of the cost of learning themselves because they are major enough to get a first job while
studying. Undergraduates are no longer dependent on their parents so it is unnecessary for the parents to support their children with living and studying costs. Additionally
, students have to manage their time perfectly for both working and studying. For example
, a student has only a course in the morning every day and is free in the afternoon. Therefore
, instead
of staying at home and waiting for their parents' supplies, they ought to look for a job and earn money.
Furthermore
, the reason I partly agree is I do not think that educational institution prioritises people rather than society. To explain, life is equal and everyone has the same advantages so the educational institution learners. For instance
, people are equally treated by the government without any distinguishment between academy and community.
In conclusion, this
author partly agrees with the statement that recruitment should pay the full cost for their own studies but not with university education benefits individuals rather than community
.Correct article usage
the community
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Coherence
Ensure stronger linkage between paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas.
Coherence
Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay.
Cohesion
Be cautious with repetition of ideas or phrases - aim to diversify your language.
Task Achievement
Elaborate more on how the benefits to individuals also translate to benefits for society, to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Structure
Excellent use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
Logical Flow
Good logical structure, making your argument easy to follow.
Task Response
Effective main points that are broadly supported and relevant to the task.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?