IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

sudents should pay full cost for their own study, because university education beniefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sudents #cost #study #university #education #beniefits #individuals #society
It is believed that
students
 receive almost all the advantages that tertiary education brings about,
therefore
, they must cover all expenses for their studies themselves. From my perspective, I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and I think the government should do
instead
.
Firstly
, paying the full tuition fee is one of the reasonable ways to enhance the country. It cannot be denied that
students
 get possession of academic knowledge and skills they are taught at school, but after graduation, they will become doctors, engineers, teachers, police, etc. who play important roles in society
as well as
 contribute to motivating the country. Many nations have carried out similar policies and succeeded. The government pays in the form of interest-free or low-interest loans and
students
 will return when they have jobs.
This
 helps them not to overlook talents.
Secondly
, solving financial problems reduces the burdens on
students
 and their families, and encourages them to study. When they no longer have pressures, they are able to focus on learning to record great achievements and benefit countries. Supporting educational expenditures
also
 creates chances for a large number of poor
students
, to create a fair education which is the foundation of social enhancement.
In particular
, scholarships from the government or schools give excellent
students
 more encouragement to continue to try their best.
To conclude
, I suppose
students
 should be supported with educational costs as much as possible
due to
 the reasons mentioned in
this
 essay. Thanks to that,
students
 will concentrate on learning and developing countries.
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task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports a different aspect of your argument for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument, which is consistently maintained throughout.
coherence cohesion
Good use of an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've done well to organize your essay into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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