IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Students should payfull cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#students #payfull #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
It is argued that the learners ought to spend their money on studying in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
futher
Correct your spelling
further
future
education
 because it just profits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves not entirely
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. From
this
writer
Change noun form
writer's
show examples
 perspective,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 totally disagree with
this
 statement. First and foremost,
students
 will learn
efficently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 by providing them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 scholarship. Because
this
 prize will avoid a
hetic
Correct your spelling
hectic
 timetable and working
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the night shift will not be necessary.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it can help
students
 concentrate
one
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
 learning to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher qualification.
For
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 future, they will be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartful
Correct your spelling
smart
 citizens
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 contribute to the development of the nation.
Secondly
, bearing
this
 situation for a long period of time will be stressful,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
 of them will
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 up easily
due to
 the fact that the learning progress and the payment which is
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 to the school is containing pressure. Take Vietnam as a prime example, 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
 cannot approach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree and 85
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
 who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
head
Wrong verb form
headed
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
 cannot graduate. It means that the government are wasting
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 who have the ability to construct our world.
To conclude
,
while
 it is true that a university degree benefits individuals, it is
also
 critical to acknowledge the wider societal advantages that result from a population with a high level of
education
.
Therefore
, I think that since higher
education
 benefits both individuals and society as a whole, university
students
 shouldn't have to foot the entire bill for their own studies.
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Language Accuracy
Avoid minor spelling mistakes and ensure the correct use of words. For example, 'futher' should be 'further', 'efficently' should be 'efficiently', and 'smartful' is not typically used in this context.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the essay flows smoothly by linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Using a wider range of cohesive devices can enhance the coherence of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific, real-world instances that illustrate your points can make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
Tone
Work on maintaining a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid using contractions ('i') and ensure proper capitalization ('I') for a more professional presentation.
Task Response
You have presented a clear argument against the statement, outlining your position effectively in the introduction and conclusion.
Structure
The structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helps in organizing your thoughts effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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