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Band 7

Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

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In modern times, older people are increasingly competing with younger candidates for the same job positions. The main problem
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 causes is the unemployment of the older generation, and a possible solution could be the provision of intergenerational workplaces. A contributing factor to
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 issue is the age discrimination they face, based on the stereotype that they are not as adaptable to the workforce as younger individuals in
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 fast-paced technological world. Not being able to gain employment, older individuals may experience more hardship and financial burden compared to younger adults, as they often have greater responsibilities,
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 as being breadwinners and caregivers for their families.
For example
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,
according to
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 a recent survey conducted by the National Employment Research Institute, it was estimated that 68% of older people were not hired for a position because employers
favored
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favoured
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 younger candidates
due to
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 preconceived notions and their proficiency in technical skills. By implementing multigenerational work sites,
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 issue can be mitigated. Encouraging workplaces to embrace age diversity can foster collaboration between younger and older employees, allowing for mutual learning of new tech tools and co-working.
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, a large multinational corporation, Global Tech, after encountering struggles with employment among job seekers, executed various projects targeting both age groups, providing suitable roles based on their abilities. In a short time, the corporation achieved high satisfaction among workers of all ages and benefitted from improved performance. In conclusion, older individuals may constantly feel insecure in their pursuit of a desired job title,
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,
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 can be resolved by establishing facilities for them. It is recommended that the government make concerted efforts to promote both
ages-oriented
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age-oriented
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 initiatives and implement mutually beneficial policies.

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task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, some points could be elaborated further to provide more comprehensive ideas. For instance, the impact on younger workers when they have to compete with older individuals could be explored.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. For example, linking the problems faced by older workers more closely to the proposed solutions would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing both the problems and solutions effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, presenting the topic clearly and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the survey by the National Employment Research Institute and the Global Tech initiative, adds credibility and relevance to the arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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