IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more children acquire unhealthy eating habits. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this issue?

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There is an ongoing debate surrounding
children
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 these days eating more unhealthy
foods
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. From
this
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 writer's perspective, the core reason for
this
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 issue is the prevalence of fast snack
consumption
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whereas
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 the problem can be reduced by governments putting higher
taxes
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 on sugar, fat, and high-calorie
junk
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food
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. The initial reason for the increasing
consumption
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 of unhealthy products in
children
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's diets is the popularity of
junk
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food
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 in fast-paced societies.
In other words
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, commercial breaks on televisions or pop-up ads on the Internet usually advertise discounts on fast
food
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 at restaurants or the fast and convenient delivery service of those to the viewers.
This
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 situation leads to
children
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 begging their parents for
junk
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snack
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snacks
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 despite how unhealthy they are.
Therefore
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, the rise of fast
food
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 popularity among
children
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 contributes to the high
consumption
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 of these products.
This
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 problem,
however
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, can be alleviated by the implementation of high
taxes
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 on different unhealthy factors in
foods
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such
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 as sugar or ingredients containing large proportions of fat. To clarify, by applying
this
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 regulation, authorities can lower the
consumption
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 of
junk
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foods
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 because parents will consider the high price of them and are not likely to buy those
foods
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 for their
children
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. To annotate the point, consider the UK where governments force supermarkets to pay higher
taxes
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 for
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
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 leading to the expensive cost of sugary drinks,
thus
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, parents do not purchase those making their
children
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 consume less
carbohydrate
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carbohydrates
show examples
. In conclusion, the root cause of
children
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's high
consumption
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 of unhealthy
food
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 stems from the popularity of fast
food
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 in modern days.
Nevertheless
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, it can be mitigated by governments applying high rates of
taxes
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 on sugary and high-fat
foods
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow. While your essay is well-organized, a greater variety of sentence types can make your arguments even more engaging.
task achievement
To solidify your argument, include more specific examples or data. Your use of the UK as an example is effective, but additional examples could provide stronger support for your points.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear and coherent structure, with a distinguishable introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which effectively guides the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You successfully identified the problem and proposed a viable solution, demonstrating a strong understanding of the task requirements.
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