Many people belives that watching a live performance is more enjoyble than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience and knowledge.

There can be little doubt that humanity tends to watch an event which is performed lively
instead
of watching via television
due to
enjoyment. The writer of
this
essay argues that it is better to view performance through the screen because of the cheaper cost and a wider viewpoint. It is vital to understand that, finance is one of the most important elements for joining a
concert
.
This
is because, in order to take place in the event, audiences have to pay for tickets and travel fees which are mostly expensive.
For example
, the Blackpink show takes place in Korea, where audiences have to spend nearly $1000 for transport fees,
concert
tickets, and gifts
while
the performance is live freely on most social media platforms.
Therefore
, individuals can save a large amount of money by seeing events on the screen.
However
, some suggest that viewing an event which is directedly performed, is more realistic and cosy.
This
point may be true , but the field of view is a crucial point worth considering. In order words, the audience's spot is fixed which directly leads to an uncomfortable experience for viewers.
However
, with the technological development in cameras, viewers who watch via screen have a wider vision than live ones.
For instance
, most of the
concert
stadiums always have from 2 to 5 cameras which help individuals have an
overall
perspective. Taking all points into account, better financial options and a flexible field of vision are the main benefits of watching events via television.
Hence
, it has been demonstrated that television is a better metric to enjoy the
concert
.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence, consider employing a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This could provide clearer transitions between sections and improve the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, enhancing it with a broader range of examples and deeper exploration of reasons could strengthen your argument. Consider elaborating further on how the points you've made relate directly to the question's topic, thereby increasing the relevance of your content.
Task Achievement
You've done a good job providing a clear thesis statement and summarizing your stance in the conclusion, which effectively frames your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The organization of your essay is commendable. The logical progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph helps the reader understand your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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