Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In whats has technology affected the types of relationships people make ? Has this become a positive or negative development ?

#people #technology #whats #relationships #become #development

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

modern world where social platforms are growing at a very fast pace because of advanced technology. I believe that

this

has positively impacted

Change preposition

apply

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relationship building, by making it more accessible and convenient. The essay

would be discussing

Wrong verb form

will discuss

show examples

two of the prime changes

bought

Correct your spelling

brought

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in by

such

technologies. One of the major positive

transformation

Change to a plural noun

transformations

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

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is because of internet connectivity where a person can connect with

any one

Correct your spelling

anyone

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he wants, present in any part of the world, that to within a few seconds.

Example

Change preposition

For example

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Initially

when people wanted to communicate they used to do

this

by posting letters, which would take days together to be delivered.

However

, after

internets

Change the noun form

internet

show examples

connection now with the help of Facebook, Instagram, hype, etc has made

this

process really fast.

Therefore

drastic

Correct article usage

a drastic

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reduction in communication time has proven to be an advantage to

this

generation.

Secondly

, now we can have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

real time

Add a hyphen

real-time

show examples

interactions with each other with the help of live video chats.

Moreover

this

has helped the schools and offices to conduct online classes and meetings. In

case

Correct article usage

the case

show examples

of Covid during 2019-2020, where there was a worldwide lockdown implemented.

However

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

apps like

zoom

Capitalize word

Zoom

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and

google meet

Correct your spelling

Google Meet

show examples

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

proven to be useful for teachers to conduct online classes.

Hence

such

applications have made online teaching possible. In conclusion, the benefits that humanity has got from these technologies,

such

as delivering

message

Fix the agreement mistake

messages

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at high speed and live visual interface,

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

noteworthy. But in order to avoid misuse these advancements should be governed strictly.

Submitted by yashaswikhot on Tue Jul 16 2024

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task achievement

Your introduction is a bit awkward and could be made clearer. Consider revising the first sentence to be more straightforward, e.g., 'In today's modern world, the way people interact with each other has drastically changed due to technological advancements.'

task achievement

The essay provides relevant examples, but the examples can be more specific and less generic. Try to incorporate more detailed instances that reflect personal or wider societal experiences.

coherence cohesion

Ensure better usage of connectors and transitions between paragraphs. While your points are logical, more cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'As a result', etc.) can help to enhance the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Polish your grammar and sentence structure. For instance, 'Example: Initially when people wanted to communicate they used to do this by posting letters, which would take days together to be delivered.' can be more fluid if written as, 'For example, in the past, people communicated through letters, which took days to be delivered.'

task achievement

The essay covers the required aspects of the task by discussing how technology has changed interpersonal relationships and assessing the positive impacts.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are clearly stated and supported with examples, making your argument easy to follow.

coherence cohesion

The overall structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, adds to the coherence of the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Global connectivity
Cross-cultural friendships
Online communities
Geographical barriers
Video calls
Messaging apps
Superficial interactions
Digital communication
Professional networking
LinkedIn
Privacy concerns
Data security
Romantic relationships
Online dating apps
Face-to-face interaction
Mental health
Online presence
Generational gap
Educational collaboration
Academic relationships

What to do next:

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Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In whats has technology affected the types of relationships people make ? Has this become a positive or negative development ?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

You carried out an emergency maintenance on a key system and this resulted in an issue with the system Write a letter to the head of your data team. In your letter: - Provide an update on what happened - Explain what you're going to do about it - Say what you would like to him to do

Living a county where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?