IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

student should pay full cost for their own study ,because university education benefits individuals rather than society . To what extent doyou agree or disagree

#student #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society #doyou
Nowadays ,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 who have high qualifications find it easy and convenient to find or apply for jobs .
Therefore
 ,students should spend more time and money on studying than any entertainment
.
Correct your spelling
This
this
 writer agrees with the statement that all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students's costs should be used to pay for their own studies .
Firstly
,many jobs require that employees have to have high qualifications and knowledge .so that , now many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 cannot find a job because they do not have enough studying levels .inaddition, jobs which have high salaries always require society to have high qualifications .
therefore
 that students should spend all their time and money on their studying .
secondly
, society is developing and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not have enough knowledge cannot survive long.
For instance
, if you sell some stocks to foreign people but you
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not learn classic communication in English,you cannot earn money .
Therefore
 ,learning classic knowledge and necessary skills that are more convenient for your life and can be able to be used in reality. In conclusion , those reasons demonstrate the advantages of studying .Studying would be the right way for a person who wants to develop themself or forward to finding a job with have high salary.
inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
this
 way will make your life easier and more convenient.
therefore
 ,all of the student's costs should be paid for their own study than for society

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider developing your stance more fully throughout the essay. Initially, it's clear you agree students should bear the cost of their education due to its individual benefits. However, expanding on this perspective with more depth and nuance can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more precise and varied vocabulary to articulate your ideas more effectively. Using a broader range of language can help clarify your points and make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly, with distinct topic sentences that introduce the main point, followed by supporting sentences with examples or explanations, and a concluding sentence to wrap up the paragraph's main idea. This helps improve the logical flow and readability of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, can enhance the overall coherence and sophistication of your writing. This diversity also makes your essay more engaging to read.
Task Achievement
The essay begins with a clear statement of agreement with the topic, which helps orient the reader to your perspective.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the importance of education for individual progress and job prospects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: