IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more children acquire unhealthy eating habits. Why is this happening? What can be done to solve this issue?

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There was an ever-growing number of
children
Use synonyms
 adopting unbalanced eating habits which derives from the influence of
food
Use synonyms
 marketing strategies.In order to address
this
Linking Words
 menace, the writer contends that authorities should take charge of implementing more rigorous regulations towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
Use synonyms
 advertising. One of the primary factors contributing to the unhealthy dietary choices made by young people is the promotion of
food
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 products. In essence, junk
food
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 companies often target
children
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 as potential customers since they have a significant impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family
food
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 purchases, particularly persuading their parents to buy those unhealthy items.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
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 are easily captivated by eye-catching visuals and characters on packaging and branding, which are heavily advertised on social media and television—platforms that
children
Use synonyms
 frequently access.
Hence
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are more likely to consume an unhealthy diet which may lead to various health risks, especially in terms of obesity. In terms of governmental role, more needs to be done to ensure that
food
Use synonyms
 advertising
are
Change the verb form
is
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 meticulously controlled. Specifically,authorities should be responsible for setting stricter limitations on the advertisement of unhealthy foods, especially those high in sugar and fat, during peak viewing hours to minimize
children
Use synonyms
's exposure.
Additionally
Linking Words
, promoting healthy meal options on social platforms and
children
Use synonyms
's channels to develop a preference for foods that are beneficial to their health.
This
Linking Words
 approach can significantly help in fostering healthier eating habits among young people. In conclusion, the allure of marketing campaigns is a core factor contributing to the consumption of unhealthy meals among teenagers. By instituting strict guidelines for
food
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 marketing, governments can reduce the likelihood of
children
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 being exposed to
unbalance
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unbalanced
show examples
 meals that harm their health.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the reasons for unhealthy eating habits and presents solutions, consider providing more detailed and specific real-world examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you might mention specific advertisements or campaigns that have impacted children's eating habits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a single idea. The suggestions for governmental actions, for instance, could be expanded into separate paragraphs to provide more detailed explanations and support.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported and contribute to a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the task, discussing both the causes of unhealthy eating habits and potential solutions. Ideas are clear and comprehensive.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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