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Writing Samples
Band 7

the chart below shows the changes that took place in 3 different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003 - 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart below shows the changes that took place in 3 different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003 - 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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he
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The
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 graph illustrates 3 types of criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 in Newport City which were altered in a 9-year period, from 2003 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that over these 9 years, the number of criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 which were caused by burglary decreased
while
Linking Words
car
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 theft and robbery had a plateau movement. On the one hand, in 2003 the highest
amount
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 of crime rate was burglary with about 3500 incidents and
this
Linking Words
 rate increased by 10% in the following year which was the peak. In the next 4 years,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 experienced a dramatic 75% drop where it reached more than 1000 burglary
accidents
Use synonyms
. From 2008 to 2012
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 fluctuated between 1500 and 1000
accidents
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as well as
Linking Words
 reach more than 1200 incidents in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2003
car
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 theft was the second-highest
amount
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 of criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 in Newport city with more than 2500
accidents
Use synonyms
 in that year.
This
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 stayed the same until 2005 which saw a 20% reduction.
Also
Linking Words
, after a fluctuating movement from 2006 to 2008, the number of
car
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 thefts increased gradually by about 20% and reached the same level that it was in 2003.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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robbery from other people had a plateau movement in these 9 years with only 500
accidents
Use synonyms
,
car
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 theft with less than 2500
accidents
Use synonyms
 in 2012 was the highest
amount
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 of criminal
activities
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in contrast
Linking Words
 to the two other sections.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, car, amount, accidents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "plateau" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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