The government should control the content of violence in films and on TV to decrease the level of violent crime in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
An argument has arisen between two views, the first one believes that governments should control the
content
of violent videos to minimize the percentage of murders in the community, while
the second view objects that
. In Change preposition
to that
this
report, I will go through both sides of this
conflict, and then
allow me to share my position.
To begin
with, violent content
is effective, dangerous, and useless; as a consequence
, many people claim that governments are responsible for preventing this
kind of video. Firstly
, avoiding this
sort of movie worked in a variety of countries. For example
, the percentage of crimes in KSA, Japan, and UAE is almost zero percent; as a result
of preventing such
content
. Also
, their population is extremely peaceful, calm, and friendly because they did
not use to watch Wrong verb form
do
such
scenes. Secondly
, the content
in films dramatically affects the individuals' behaviours. Many studies acknowledge that a lot of criminals were affected by the movies that they watched previously.
Although
the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence. The first point is that these movies are interesting, cheerful, exciting, and attractive, so it is not an ideal idea to control them. For further
explanation, many people admit that they watch such
films because they are entertaining, but they, actually, do not care about the violence. Besides
that, there are other, and more effective, factors that lead to crimes. A lot of reports show that the environments, genes, and relationships lead to changing the person's behaviours even though some of them have not ever watched violent movies. In addition
, many criminals said that they made
Verb problem
committed
a
murder Correct article usage
apply
because of
various reasons related to their personal lives, and, indeed, the films they watched did not significantly affect their behaviours.
In conclusion, even though controlling the scenes is beneficial, strategic, and safe, it is,indeed, useless, difficult, and time-consuming; Change preposition
for
as a result
, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.Submitted by haneenalnetaif on
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Task Achievement
Ensure a clearer stance is presented throughout the essay, not only in the conclusion, to strengthen the argument and task achievement.
Task Achievement
Integrate more specific examples and data to support your arguments. While general examples are provided, more detailed evidence could enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and cohesion. Connecting sentences can help link the ideas more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words to improve the cohesion and flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You effectively covered both sides of the argument, demonstrating a well-balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of an introductory and concluding paragraph to frame your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
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