IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #job #seekers #receipt #government #work #community
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
No doubt, unemployment is boosting us very fast nowadays. The topic of jobless
people
Use synonyms
 who are reciving stiphend from government should contribute in coumunitie's work, has sparked recent debate and controversy. I opine that they should support nation by voulntaring. To beign with, we all are aware if that a country's wealth is directly propotional to working population in that particular nation. So, if
job
Use synonyms
 seekers are more in a
state
Use synonyms
 and council provides benefits to them,
then
Linking Words
 it is showing the
state
Use synonyms
 economy wouldn be more affected.
For example
Linking Words
: Times of India showed that young
people
Use synonyms
 are moving UK and from
last
Linking Words
 5 years UK's economy has been increased. Considering the above, how a management can utilize their
job
Use synonyms
 seeker's skills . If, unemployed population can add some support to the nation, it will help in maintain the wealth of that one.
For example
Linking Words
: In 2021,Times of Canda showed that they need to reconstruct
state
Use synonyms
 prison but that time they did not have enough budget to build that one. So the social worker contacted
people
Use synonyms
 who recieves benefits from Government not having
job
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, 30
people
Use synonyms
 contributrd their help in reconstructing the
state
Use synonyms
 prison . Based on the aformentioned reasoning, I still stand by my stance.
That is
Linking Words
 voulntary contribution of
job
Use synonyms
 seeker will not showinng them a burden on country only by recieving the benefits, is clearly more feasible considering.
Submitted by kiranrattu.kr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance clarity and coherence.
language
Consider revising your essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. This will improve the reader's understanding and the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task by discussing both sides of the argument, providing specific examples, and offering a clear opinion. This will help improve your score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by better organizing your paragraphs and using linking words effectively. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You effectively conveyed your opinion throughout the essay, maintaining a consistent stance on the topic.
task achievement
You attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is a good strategy to improve the persuasiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: