IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The plans below show a student accommodation building in 2010 and now.

#plans #show #student #accommodation
Contained in the diagrams are plans related to changes made to the accommodation for students from 2010 until the present day. Generally speaking, the most noticeable transformation has occurred in the outside areas where some garden space has made way for an additional bedroom and car park facilities. It can
also
 be observed that the space for socializing has seen a reduction, whilst an extra bathroom and two bedrooms have been constructed. When walking through the main entrance, looking straight ahead is now a bathroom which has created an ensuite bedroom. Above
this
 is the kitchen which currently doubles up as a social area after the living room was removed. Moving
further
 along the hall, there was a student chamber, living room, and garden area, respectively.
However
, the latter two spaces have been turned into extra bedrooms. Turning to the garden area located near the main entrance, the entire span of
this
 has now been converted into a car park. A final point of interest is that the bedroom and main bathroom to the left of the entrance have remained unchanged.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have effectively described the changes in the student accommodation building, noting the major transformations and minor details. However, providing specific dimensions or mentioning the areas where no changes occurred would provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is reasonably well-organized, with a clear structure to your descriptions. Nonetheless, adding more linking words and phrases could enhance the flow between your ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
The essay clearly mentions the key changes made to the student accommodation, effectively covering the primary transformations such as the creation of additional bedrooms and the conversion of garden space.
coherence cohesion
You've used a logical structure, moving systematically through the building from the main entrance, which helps the reader to follow the description easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: