Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #effects #society

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Nowadays,

teenagers

spend their almost all free

time

in shopping centres and I believe it affects them and

society

negatively.

In other words

, young

people

are wasting their potential and

money

by spending their

time

in malls. First of all, almost all

teenagers

prefer to be in malls in their leisure

time

and it becomes an addiction. They are only thinking about buying things they don't even need.

This

is actually a dangerous situation because they have a great potential to do something good

such

as volunteering for some beneficial jobs,

reading

Correct word choice

or reading

show examples

a book but they waste that potential. It is a huge loss for the

society

Future's

Change noun form

Future

show examples

scientists are disappearing

day

. Young

people

are becoming more irresponsible every

day

Secondly

although

it may seem harmless, going shopping in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free

time

can

also

cause unnecessary

money

spending. When teens go shopping regularly, they start to spend more

money

day

and it is a waste of

money

This

leads to an economic crisis in their limited budget. If we assume that most

teenagers

are not free economically, it

also

affects their families. In

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

conclusion, spending free

time

in shopping centres affects both

teenagers

and

society

. It becomes a habit, and

this

habit may lead to losing

great

Correct article usage

the great

show examples

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

of young

people

and it is

also

a waste of

money

. Young

people

should spend their free

time

doing things that benefit

society

and themselves. In

this

way, I think our

society

can achieve better things in the future.

Submitted by isil on Mon Dec 09 2024

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coherence and cohesion

Consider using more varied sentence structures and linking phrases to improve cohesion.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and help to frame your arguments effectively.

logical structure

The essay is well-organized with each paragraph clearly dedicated to a specific point.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

materialistic attitudes
excessive consumerism
sedentary lifestyles
peer pressure
financial irresponsibility
meaningful social relationships
family bonding
environmental degradation
commercial environments
productive activities

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Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Discuss advantages and disadvantages of social media

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

students in university education should develop specialist in one subject area rather than develop a wider range of different subjects. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think all university student should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.