some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violence for films of television and cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be released. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
digital age, in many of
Change preposition
apply
movies
, lots of type
of movie genres Fix the agreement mistake
types
being
produced. Some are positive but some may Add a missing verb
are being
bring
Verb problem
have
bad
impact Correct article usage
a bad
to
Change preposition
on
the
communication Correct article usage
apply
such
as violence
. Many citizens belive
that the government should regulate the level of Correct your spelling
believe
violence
while
others think that cinema should not released
violent Change the verb form
release
movies
anymore. This
essay is going to discuss both views and give the writer's own opinion.
In the
first viewpoint that the government should regulate violent Change preposition
The
films
might be a reasonable activity to decline the negative impact which movies
bring. Young people after watching some of these violent films
might commit real-life crimes. Because they think that everyone using violence
like in films
so
the Correct word choice
apply
violence
being
normalized day by day. From Add a missing verb
is being
this
kind of thinking way
, the
communication can easily Correct article usage
apply
to
have false beliefs and cause many Fix the infinitive
apply
kind
of crimes. Change to a plural noun
kinds
That is
why regulate
and Wrong verb form
regulating
fine
levels of violent Wrong verb form
fining
movies
will reduce a big amount of criminals. This
solution not only cover
Change the verb form
covers
prople
but Correct your spelling
people
also
still release
some Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
movies
for citizens to watch whener
they Correct your spelling
when
whenever
bored
.
Turning to the second point of view, other individuals believe that violent Add a missing verb
are bored
films
should not be released in public. This
way
can radically reduced
Change the verb form
reduce
violence
compared to the first idea. However
, it might decline the knowledge about wars and terrorism and it might make
people Verb problem
cause
easier
to Correct word choice
apply
being
bullied and Wrong verb form
be
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
violence
. Movies
might be so violent but thinking another way
, it
kind of nearly Correct pronoun usage
they
the
real life so citizens can Correct article usage
apply
also
learn some
more with Correct quantifier usage
apply
movies
. Because of this
situation, the way
which is violent films
will not be released in future can not be able.
Taking everthing
into account, the first solution is still better than the latter when Correct your spelling
everything
violence
still be fined but individuals can know how criminals work outside there.Submitted by [email protected] on
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structure
Try to organize your ideas more clearly, separating each viewpoint into distinct paragraphs for better clarity.
linking words
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
examples
Elaborate more on examples to support your viewpoints. Providing specific instances or statistics would strengthen your argument.
grammar
Consider reviewing and correcting minor grammatical errors to enhance the overall readability of your essay.
conclusion
Revisit the conclusion to ensure it clearly summarizes the essay's main points and explicitly states your opinion.
balanced argument
Successfully discussed both views on the topic, offering a balanced perspective.
personal opinion
Provided a clear personal opinion, integrating it effectively into the conclusion.
introduction conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are present, setting a good foundation and closure for the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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