IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in
health
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 and family violence problems
due to
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 working excess
hours
Use synonyms
 at their workplaces. The government enforced strict laws on companies that are giving extra
work
Use synonyms
 to their employees. It is a positive step taken by the state.
This
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 essay will discuss why it is beneficial for people and society.
Firstly
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, impacts
health
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 and family relations. The main reason is that working more
hours
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 disturbs staff's
health
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, which leads to major problems
such
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 as heart and fatigue. Another factor is after finishing a long shift of
work
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 they may meet with an accident
while
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 driving their motors.
In addition
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, they may start taking drugs to get extra energy which results in
health
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 loss and extra burden on the
health
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 system.
For example
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, in China, no workers
work
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 more than 16
hours
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 recently survey printed in the press, that they committed suicide by jumping from the factory walls.
As a result
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, the Government brought strict laws in practice to stop these types of incidents.
Secondly
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, negative impact on family members and family violence. The primary factor is that after long
hours
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 of
work
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, tradies are tired and unable to spare time for their family members.
In addition
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, sometimes they miss the cutoff from the community and are unable to join any events, which bring less value to society.
For instance
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, children and family members start their ways and divert to bad companies.
For instance
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, people's divorce rate increased recently as per a survey done by the Sydney Herald newspaper.
As a consequence
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, it is apparent why many people are not doing extra
work
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.
In contrast
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, we cannot deny money is important for everyone to make life easy and wealthy.
However
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, wealth cannot give you peace of mind and
health
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 benefits to keep families happy. In conclusion, following the analysis of why the Authorities put Regulations on the citizens, to make them happy and reduce the burden on the
health
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 system, where the nation can use taxpayer's money on other developments.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear distinction between each paragraph’s main idea to enhance the essay’s coherence. Opening sentences should clearly state the topic of the paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a variety of linking words effectively but ensure they are used appropriately to enhance flow and coherence.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
Review and refine your conclusion to ensure it clearly summarizes the essay’s main points and your stance on the topic, reinforcing your viewpoint effectively.
Task Achievement
Your introduction sets a good context for the essay’s topic, helping to engage the reader effectively.
Task Achievement
You have successfully incorporated relevant examples and scenarios to support your arguments, which enhances the essay's overall strength.
Coherence & Cohesion
The organization of ideas into paragraphs aids in making the essay more readable and structured.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
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