Some people think that spending a lot on holding weddings, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views.
In the present
society
some of them are believed that Add a comma
society,
pay
out more Wrong verb form
paying
money
on behalf of the
wedding functions, Correct article usage
apply
Correct word choice
and birth
birth day
parties are unnecessary Correct your spelling
birthday
money wasting
activities. But some of them are believing that these are necessary social activities. I completely agree with the first statement and I am going to elaborate on both perspectives in forthcoming paragraphs.
Modern society used to celebrate their life events very unnaturally. As an example, some of them Add a hyphen
money-wasting
are spend
Change the verb form
spend
lot
of Change the article
a lot
money
on decorations for a day and pre-shoots
photography, going to be bright as well useless programmes which are not suitable for their backgrounds. Correct your spelling
pre-shoot
For instance
, people apply loans for invest
Fix the infinitive
to invest
money
on
them and they have to spend Change preposition
in
whole
beautiful lifetime Correct article usage
a whole
for settled
the Change preposition
to settle
debits
. Because they think to Correct your spelling
debts
highlights
other than their relatives or Wrong verb form
highlight
well- known
personsCorrect your spelling
well-known
one
. Like a competition. Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, alcohol consumption are
popular among Change the verb form
is
younger
generation Correct article usage
the younger
at
their occasions and they quarrel with others Change preposition
on
and
harm to properties and destroy Correct word choice
apply
the
happiness. Those misused works Correct article usage
apply
breakup
social awareness.
Correct your spelling
break up
Apart from
this
, some other people believe that life event ceremonies get- together each
other of the family members, relatives and friends. Change preposition
with each
Furthermore
, anniversaries such
as parent's golden wedding anniversary brings
their children back, who Change the verb form
bring
lives
far away from home. So Correct subject-verb agreement
live
such
memorial events valuable
to their lives. Add a missing verb
are valuable
Additionally
, human beans
are sociable creatures and usual community activities are present. Correct your spelling
beings
Due to
this
some kind of celebrations are fresh- up the social bond.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
the
parties are Correct article usage
apply
necessary
community Add an article
a necessary
event
,Fix the agreement mistake
events
the
present era they are unnecessary as my point of view, nowadays these Change preposition
in the
kind
of parties are destroying our savings.Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
Submitted by amalitharangani0Most of villagers are changing their accommodations from villages to cities all around the world. As a result of this countryside residents are lower than town areas.I think this is a negative development and in this essay, I will elaborate my perspectives furthermore.
According to this situation, my take on this is, different of the facilities between the town and the village. As an example, there are lots of shopping centres in the city such as house- hold items, clothes, stationeries, vehicles and so on. Conversely, developed educational centres, schools, hospitals with enough facilities are also at the urban areas. Nevertheless, there are lots of companies and unlimited job opportunities in the city area. Also, mostly there are continuous electricity, gas,water and well planned and punctual transport system as well. So people prefer to live in comfortably and moving to cities as they possible.
Additionally, villagers and town people's have same basic need. Such as food, accommodation, education, good health and freedom as well. In some countries there is unavailable electricity in the countryside. Also, there is poor transport system, teachers and facilities at village schools. Moreover, sometimes not enough medications and human resources. So countryside people preferred to move to town. Finally, countryside population decreased and urbanisation in cities.
In a nutshell, if there is as usual same facilities all over the city and rural areas,as there is lots of freedom in the countryside . My point of view is around the world this point is most prominent in developing countries.
on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, providing coverage of both views and your own opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more detailed and structured to better fulfill the task requirements. Reflect on deepening your explanation and offering more specific examples where possible.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is somewhat disrupted by grammatical inaccuracies and unconventional expressions. To enhance coherence, focus on using more conventional phrases and sentence structures that clearly convey your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay aims to cover the necessary parts of an introduction and a conclusion, there's room for improvement in clarity and purposefulness. Ensure your introduction explicitly presents the topic and your stance, while your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion without introducing new information.
task achievement
You presented contrasting views on the topic, which is essential for this kind of essay
task achievement
Your ability to bring in relevant, if not fully developed, examples like the impact of spending on social relationships and individual financial stability is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear overall position throughout, which helps in communicating your argument to the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general
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