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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children find some subjects such as Maths and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that these subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree? agree = concentrate in interesting, creative disagree = general knowledge, find interesting

#children #subjects #maths #philosophy #people
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An argument has arisen between two views, the first one believes that complex
subjects
 should be optional,
while
 the second view says that they should remain required. In
this
 report, I will go through both views and
then
 allow me
to conclude
 my point of view. Learning various
subjects
 is interesting, beneficial, and profitable;
as a consequence
, schools teach them as main courses.
To begin
 with, it is important to have general knowledge about a variety of topics. For
further
 explanation, many companies admit that it is essential to know basic information in different fields, and they look for candidates who have
such
 knowledge.
In addition
, some learners can not study at a university, so studying a variety of
subjects
 during their childhood helps them to find suitable jobs.
Besides
 that, they might find these topics interesting after digging into them. Many people share on social media that after studying some difficult
subjects
, they understood them;
as a result
, they
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 interested in them. Even though the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence.
Firstly
, avoiding
such
 classes will help students concentrate on their favourite
subjects
.
For example
, In KSA, the educational system has ,dramatically, been changed, so that students can focus on their favourite fields;
therefore
, a lot of students created great innovations.
Secondly
,
this
 will help them to dig into suitable topics
instead
 of consuming their time in boring classes.
Whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, many learners acknowledge that they feel bored
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 to school because of the hard
subjects
, so deleting them is an ideal solution. In conclusion,
although
 learning some
subjects
 is time-consuming, difficult, and useless, it is, actually, helpful, exciting, and strategic.
However
, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Task Achievement
It's beneficial to enhance the clarity of your arguments by providing more specific examples or data to support your points, especially when discussing the benefits or drawbacks of making complex subjects optional.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly. This can improve the overall readability and flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Consider refining your conclusion to more directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, ensuring your stance is thoroughly backed by the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured essay that effectively introduces and concludes with a clear stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support points, although more specific examples could further strengthen the argument.
Task Achievement
Successful in addressing both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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