Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?
In the contemporary discourse, there exists a viewpoint asserting that authorities should use their funds
in resolving
significant social issues rather than allocating them to the Change preposition
to resolve
arts
. However
, I vehemently disagree with this
statement as I personally hold the belief that arts
deserve equal value by national leaders. I will justify my opinion in the following paragraph.
There are abundant benefits that arts
bring to the respective country. Firstly
, arts
play a crucial role in preserving the culture of the
particular nation by means of varied paintings. Correct article usage
a
For instance
, there exist many art galleries preserving varied artwork that represents the historical stories and typical culture of the nation. Secondly
, art such
as music
is not only just a source of entertainment but also
plays a huge role in relieving the stress in today's hectic life and gives immense calmness. To cite an example, a recent study stated that 85% of the
scientists prefer to listen to Correct article usage
apply
music
in between their experiments to relax their minds, which helps them to recharge for doing constant trials. Last
but not least, arts
such
as music
are great contributors to enhancing the economy of the nation. To explain further
, there are various music
concerts run by famous singers that attract a large amount of population
and ultimately help to financially support the government. Correct article usage
the population
For example
, BTS, which is one of the famous Korean groups of singers, is popular at a global level. A large number of fans from each corner of the world buy expensive tickets and specially
go to Korea to attend the concert. In Replace the word
especially
this
way, the country can earn more money.
Talking about
the flip side, there are some major social issues Change preposition
On
such
as education,
Correct word choice
and, healthcare
healthcare
field that require more attention. In that case, the government should understand the priority of investing money in different sectors.
From a personal standpoint, Correct article usage
the healthcare
while
acknowledging the priority of spending money on significant issues such
as healthcare and education, I lean towards the view that shows equal importance of arts
like the other sectors that are not only a major contributor to the country's revenue but also
a great source of stress buster among people. Thus
, I opine that it is truly worth allocating funds in the arts
field by the Government.Submitted by margijoshi19 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures further to add complexity and depth to your writing, which can enhance engagement and readability.
Task Response
Adding more precise data or studies could strengthen your argument, making it more compelling and authoritative.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively introduces, discusses, and concludes your viewpoint on the importance of funding the arts, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the task.
Task Achievement
You have provided clear and relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument significantly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow and understand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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