Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as role models. Is that a positive or negative development?
Young
people
are highly influenced by famous people
and they look up to them as role
models. Is that a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, the majority of our young generations are following the
celebrities on social media, especially the youngsters who are inspired by their lifestyles and want to emulate them. In my opinion, choosing a Correct article usage
apply
role
model could have negative effects. The forthcoming essay shall discuss that the disadvantages of this
issue outweigh the advantages.
On one hand, following famous people
might have several destructive effects on the children’s life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Firstly
, individuals often share the bright sides of their live
Replace the word
lives
not
their Add the comma(s)
, not
hardship
. Adolescents would compare themselves to these luxurious lifestyles, which may lead them to feel inadequate. Fix the agreement mistake
hardships
Secondly
, the truth that each person has a unique gift could disappear because children do not focus on their abilities, they simply emulate the talents of well- known
individuals, and if they do not succeed they may become depressed. Correct your spelling
well-known
Finally
, some celebrities gain fame and wealth due to
their inner gift, which are not necessarily the best option for teenager
to choose as Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
role
models. For instance
, Diego Maradona was an excellent football player but he did not follow a professional lifestyle, in contrast
, he struggled with addiction during his golden career years. Despite this
, his extraordinary talent helped him remain at the
peak for many years.
Change the word
his
On the other hand
, sometimes the young generations need a source of inspiration to motivate them and push them to follow their dreams. The teenagers could be inspired by reading the biographies of successful people
and understanding their struggles. Moreover
, believing in a famous person could boost their confidence and motivation. For instance
, millions of people
are influenced by Cristiano Ronaldo due to
his remarkable performance on football
field and his hardworking personality.
In conclusion, it is wise for young Add an article
the football
people
to choose role
model
aligned with their goals, but they must be careful in selecting Fix the agreement mistake
models
right
person.Add an article
the right
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on
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Language Use
Ensure a more varied and advanced use of language to enhance clarity and engagement in your argument.
Task Response
Expand on the drawbacks with more in-depth analysis or additional examples to strengthen your argument.
Content Development
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate positive influences of celebrities, to balance your discussion.
Position Consistency
Maintain a clear stance throughout the essay, while discussing both views, to meet task requirements fully.
Structure
You've effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Example Usage
Good use of examples to support your points, such as the reference to Diego Maradona and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Balanced Discussion
You have clearly addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.