Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, despite
of
tremendous medical advancement, the number of patients who become interested in Change preposition
apply
alternative
medicines
are
increasing significantly, and they usually refuse to follow Correct subject-verb agreement
is
the
modern treatments. In my opinion, Correct article usage
apply
this
progress might have some drawbacks. The forthcoming essay shall discuss that the advantages of this
phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.
On one hand, as we are living in the modernize
world, the traditional methods might be dangerous for us because of several factors. Replace the word
modernised
Firstly
, people used to have lots of physical activities due to
their worked
Change the form of the verb
work
in
the farm, and the majority of today’s Change preposition
on
generation
Change noun form
generation's
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
of
immobility, which can not be treated by Change preposition
by
for
example, energy therapy or massage therapy. Add the comma(s)
, for
Secondly
, As individuals
nutrition Change noun form
individual's
individuals'
have been
changed since the old Wrong verb form
has
time
, they might encounter severe allergic Fix the agreement mistake
times
toward
various herbs which are used in Change preposition
to
alternative
medicines
. Finally
, due to
rise
of fraud in modern society, there are not any reliable Correct article usage
the rise
source
in order to buy pure plants to consume as a treatment.
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
On the other hand
, some believe that,
the number of Remove the comma
apply
sickness
are growing Change to a plural noun
sicknesses
in
a result of excessive usage of technology, so we have to make peace with nature by using its plants and energies. One of the upsides of Change preposition
as
alternative
medicines
is that they are not chemicals, perhaps these sort
of medications do not cause any additional harm. Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
For instance
, one of the Iranian traditional herbs named ‘’Osokhodos” will decrease person’s
stress without any Correct article usage
a person’s
further
side effects.
In conclusion, although
many people believe in alternative
medicines
, personally I suppose human
should have faith in science and patients ought to follow their doctor’s prescription.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay presents a balanced view highlighting both sides of the argument, which is commendable. However, the development of your arguments could be deepened with more specific examples and a clearer explanation of how the disadvantages overshadow the advantages.
language accuracy
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity. For example, 'the number of patients who become interested in' could be more accurately phrased as 'the number of patients becoming interested in'. Attention to such details can make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve cohesion, consider more varied transitional phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas and paragraphs.
introduction
You effectively introduce a complex topic and provide a clear opinion in the introduction, setting the stage for a structured discussion.
examples
The use of real-world examples, such as the mention of 'Osokhodos', enriches your essay. Including more such instances can further strengthen your arguments.