Some people believe that government should financially support retired people others feel that those who have retired pay to support themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's life, many retired individuals suffer from several financial complications in their everyday lives.
This
may lead us to pose a pivotal question, should governments back them financially after they decide to leave their occupations? As a matter of fact, certain people hold the opinion that they do not need to be supported
whereas
, others argue against that. Return some of what they did for us throughout their work life and avoid neglecting them is a common idea among the supporters.
Moreover
, these people had devoted thousands of hours working whether as civil servants or in the private sector to prosper their society at all.
In addition
, a huge number of them had put their lives on the brink of death to save their nations from being taken over by others.
However
, employees would not follow
this
path if they found that those who already retired had not gotten any money after they were done.
On the other hand
, several individuals tend to be with the idea of spending
this
money in other directions rather than giving it to someone who chooses to sit in his home. From their perspective, governments ought to look after all the population without focusing on a specific type to reach equality.
Instead
, countries need to build with
this
supporting money a plethora of facilities and community centres which could facilitate our lives. In conclusion, it is obvious that it is a complex issue and it is hard to find an answer to the previous question.
Nevertheless
, on balance, I tend to believe that allocating these financial gifts to the whole society is far more equal.
Submitted by a.awh05 on

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Task Achievement
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Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. A more defined thesis statement would guide the reader and set clear expectations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and organizational patterns to enhance coherence. While your essay has a logical flow, varying your connectors could provide clearer transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider revising the conclusion to more explicitly state your opinion, providing a concise summary of the discussed views and a stronger final argument supporting your stance.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, facilitating the reader's understanding of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your essay appropriately.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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