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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

What is your opinion about the advantages of smoking cigarettess?

#cigarettess
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All
this
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 time,
people
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 have always been aware that smoking
cigarettes
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 is not a good thing for their health. Even knowing that fact,
cigarettes
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 are still available in many countries around the world.
This
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 essay will explain some of the advantages of smoking
cigarettes
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. There are several reasons why
people
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 smoke
cigarettes
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 even though they already know the drawbacks. The first reason is they just follow the habits of the
people
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 that surround them,
such
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 as their friends, their uncle, or even their own father. At
the
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apply
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first time, maybe, they were just curious and wanted to try it. But after some time, they get addicted and feel relaxed when they are smoking
cigarettes
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. Some
people
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 even said that when they are facing a problem in their life,
cigarettes
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 can help them to relieve their stress or even help them to think
a
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of a
show examples
resolution. Maybe,
this
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 phenomenon happens
due to
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 some chemicals in
cigarettes
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 that can cause a relaxing feeling for the smoker and could be considered to be of one the advantages. The second thing that can be seen as a positive impact of smoking
cigarettes
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 is their economic value. It cannot be denied that
cigarettes
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 are helping to boost some countries’ economic conditions.
This
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 is because of their tax on export and import activity.
For example
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, in Indonesia, the tax on cigarette transactions in just 1 year, can reach almost 137 trillion rupiahs, and
that is
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 not a small amount of money. Maybe, the government saw
this
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 as one of the key incomes for the nation so they could not ban
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the cigarette’s
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cigarette’s
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cigarette
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 trade. Based on the explanation above, there are some positive aspects that can be seen from smoking
cigarettes
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,
such
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 as their relieving effect on the smoker and their economic value.
Besides
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 that,
people
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 still need to be concerned about the negative health effects for themselves when they consume
it
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apply
show examples
too much.
Submitted by rifqiesap on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to directly link back to the essay question.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more vividly on the personal and societal impacts, adding depth to the argument.
Language Use
Integrate a wider range of complex sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your expression.
Organization
Efficiently uses paragraphs to organize ideas, each with a clear focus.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effectively introduces and concludes the essay, framing the argument well.
Supporting Details
Provides relevant examples and reasons, supporting the main points convincingly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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