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Band 8

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, in many parts of the world, there is a phenomenon from a long time ago showing that
one
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 of the parents stays at home to raise a newborn child, meanwhile the other parent works full time to cover their needs.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon and provide a logical conclusion. At the outset, it goes without saying that any taken action has its own repercussions;
hence
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, when
one
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 of the parents decides to quit his or her occupation in order to raise the kids,
this
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 decision is expected to have some disadvantages. The first
one
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 includes sacrificing the profession for a certain time which negatively impacts career performance, as
it is clear that
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 to back to your job again is not an easy matter in the current economic situation.
Also
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, another drawback includes adding more pressure on the other family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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. To illustrate, if the mother decides to stay from work and the father decides to work for both to cover the family needs,
this
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 will require extra effort from his side,
for instance
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, working double shifts, or in two different jobs. In sharp contrast to that, there are pros
also
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 for
this
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 decision.
One
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 of them is focusing completely on raising the children, watching them closely and developing their skills.
For example
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, based on the latest statistics, nonworking moms are able to raise a highly skilled generation rather than working moms.
In addition
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 to that, there is
also
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 another benefit which is saving money. Let us illustrate, if both parents have an occupation,
this
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 means they will have to find someone to take care of the babies;
accordingly
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, they will have to pay more money to find a skilled nanny who fulfils their requirements of raising their children.
To conclude
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,
due to
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 the aforementioned reason, we may safely conclude that the positive impact of
this
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 phenomenon outweighs its drawbacks;
consequently
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, I encourage
one
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 of the main spouses to stay at home and raise the kids to ensure giving them the right direction and full care to raise a generation ensuring the prosperity for the whole society.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Continue to provide clear introductions and conclusions to guide the reader smoothly through your points. This sets a strong foundation for your arguments.
Language and Structure
For an even stronger essay, consider integrating a wider variety of complex sentence structures and precise vocabulary. This could add more depth to your arguments and showcase a higher level of English proficiency.
Argument Depth
Although your essay demonstrates a strong stance and well-balanced arguments, engaging with counter-arguments more deeply could further enrich your discussion. This shows critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
You have effectively structured your essay, with a clear division between the advantages and disadvantages that allows the reader to easily follow your argument.
Use of Examples
Your use of specific examples and statistics to support your points strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.
Balance and Reasoning
You have a very balanced approach to the subject matter, considering both sides of the argument before coming to a well-reasoned conclusion. This demonstrates strong analytical skills.
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