IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilitiesat the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for andprepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

It is believed that
children
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 in their teenage years should be given special responsibilities to make their own decisions. Parenting is one of the most important issues for
parents
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, especially for
children
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 aged 14–16, because
children
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 are in their teenage years, which is a highly personal phase. network in every human life, because they are not
children
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. Neither do adults.
It is clear that
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parents
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 have a key role in stabilizing their
children
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's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In
this
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 article, I will explain
this
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 issue.
First,
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children
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 always have an imagination and are curious about everything new. So they want to try anything.
Children
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 tend to do things
according to
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 their preferences but are not aware of the possible consequences.
For example
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, some teenage
children
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 intend to work part-time from an early age if they can find a good job
then
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 they can soon get used to society, but if they are led to believe in leisurely jobs If you have a high salary on social networks, you may be scammed out of
money
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 or even scammed be trafficked to China. Second is the financial aspect. Most teenagers rely on their
parents
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'
money
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. It would be better if
parents
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 talked to their
children
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 from an early age about how to manage
money
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; It will be valuable for their future.
Additionally
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,
children
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 can make better decisions about how to spend their
money
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.
For example
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,
parents
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 should regularly give their
children
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 a certain amount of
money
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 so they can learn how to save
money
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 or spend
money
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 appropriately. In short,
parents
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 should give their teenage
children
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 certain freedoms so they can become more mature and independent, but
parents
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 should still pay attention and care for their
children
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.

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structure
To enhance your essay's clarity and comprehensiveness, focus on developing a more structured paragraph organization. Introduce each idea with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations or examples to support it.
cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information throughout your essay.
task response
For a higher score, aim to cover the topic more completely by addressing all aspects of the prompt. Consider discussing more varied and nuanced viewpoints or implications related to the intervention of parents in the lives of 14-15 year-old children.
task response
Your essay addresses the key aspects of the prompt, providing a thoughtful stance on the extent of parental intervention.
content
You effectively use examples to support your main points, which helps to illustrate your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
structure
The structure of your argument is logical, facilitating an understanding of your viewpoint. However, further refinement in paragraph division and cohesion could enhance readability.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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