Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up Discuss both views and give your own opinion?
Some
parents
believe that TV
plays a negative role in watching of
their Change preposition
apply
children
, whereas
others argue that it still has significantly
advantages Change the adverb
significant
impacts
on Correct word choice
and impacts
children
's growth. Both views are
hold valid justifications, Unnecessary verb
apply
however
, I support the former viewpoint as I believe that the
adults can not prevent the imitation of their Correct article usage
apply
children
from the wrong behaviours in
Change preposition
on
television
.
The modern way of thinking is watching TV
doe
not benefit Correct your spelling
does
for
most Change preposition
apply
children
because of
some reason. It is easy to recognize that Change preposition
for
children
are influenced badly by some incensored
Correct your spelling
uncensored
in censored
censored
programme
in Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
this
day and age. They want to attract the
Correct article usage
apply
television
viewers so they decide to add some violent or unrealistic details for
Change preposition
to
children
's curiosity. Unfortunately, they do not have right
supervisors from their Correct article usage
the right
parents
. Thus
, the
Correct your spelling
they
improvement
in imitation of wrong Replace the word
improve
behaviors
which they watch Change the spelling
behaviours
in
Change preposition
on
television
. Take a recent article by some Vietnamese teenagers as an example where there are lots of trends which develop from many global programme
. They completely imitate some characters throughout their styles or actions, Change to a plural noun
programmes
Moreover
, they can not control their behaviors
with others, regardless of their friends and Change the spelling
behaviours
parents
. They also
have some violent feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
with
their Change preposition
from
parents
when they are not pleased with some their
ideas because they lean towards Change preposition
of their
as
some action movies watched by them. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, the growth of children
in their near future is impacted completely by the terrible programme and incensored
Correct your spelling
uncensored
censored
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
in
Change preposition
on
television
and out
community becomes worse than ever before they could be Correct your spelling
our
due to
some bad elements.
By contrast
, in the
contemporary society, it is recommended that Correct article usage
apply
children
should allow
to approach Wrong verb form
be allowed
the
Correct article usage
apply
television
and technology devices to gain more the
latest news and have more experiences Change preposition
of the
about
lots of areas in their lives. Change preposition
in
By
Change preposition
For
the
reason, Correct determiner usage
this
the
televisions Correct article usage
apply
also
have some educational channel
for watching and following them to improve themselves. Some scientists Fix the agreement mistake
channels
also
rate and give feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
for
Change preposition
to
parents
to let their children
engage in some useful ans
appropriate channels. Correct your spelling
and
For instance
, there are some advertisements between some presentation cartoons which add some available details for children
's achievement. Moreover
, the
Correct article usage
apply
Youtube
Kids is the best choice for all Correct your spelling
YouTube
parents
who are so
busy Rephrase
too
to supervise
their Change the verb form
supervising
children
anytime because this
application can help parents
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
some
violent Correct quantifier usage
apply
contents
or Fix the agreement mistake
content
showing
lots of educational Wrong verb form
show
appropriately
channels and videos for Change the adverb
appropriate
young
generations. Correct word choice
younger
As a result
, the growth of children
may not be affected by the negative and violent programmes in
Change preposition
on
television
in any way.
From my personal experience, the activity of watching TV
has negative
influence on both physical and mental health Add an article
a negative
while
theyr
are growing up. In light Correct your spelling
they
to
Change preposition
of
this
, most children
spend all their time enjoying some favourite channels. After that, they are attacked indirectly by their laziness and they also
cause obesity quickly. Ruthermore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
children
also
suffre
from some Correct your spelling
suffer
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
about
their weight and Change preposition
due to
neutrons
system. The most terrible consequence of watching Fix the agreement mistake
neutron
TV
a lot when they are so young is reducing their life span and easily get
Wrong verb form
getting
depression
when they get older. They are not only afraid and shy Replace the word
depressed
directly
Change the word
direct
sommunication
with others but they Correct your spelling
communication
communicating
also
prevent themselves taking
part in some outdoor activities to have Change preposition
from taking
healthy
lifestyle day by day.
In conclusion, the author fully Correct article usage
a healthy
support
the former notion that Change the verb form
supports
the
Correct article usage
apply
television
may brings
benefits for Change the verb form
bring
children
in any way and they
Correct pronoun usage
it
also
have
some undeniable consequences for them at getting older. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Hence
, children
should be allowed watching
Change the verb form
to watch
TV
under their parents
' control every time.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task with an overall balanced discussion, considering both views before stating your own opinion. To achieve a higher score in task response, make sure to evenly develop both sides of the argument throughout your essay. Your own viewpoint is clear, but a more explicit justification of your stance could enrich your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay’s structure is recognizable, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, helping in achieving coherence. To improve, consider employing a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will enhance the essay's logical flow.
Task Achievement
While supporting examples are present, their relevance and clarity could be improved. Providing more specific and varied examples that directly relate to your points will enhance the strength of your argument and support task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows an attempt to navigate complex ideas and viewpoints. For enhanced coherence, work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly by ensuring each begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a clear conclusion or transition.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that restated your position, contributing to a good structure overall.
Task Achievement
Your willingness to tackle complex issues and include diverse opinions shows a strong capacity for critical thinking, which is commendable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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